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Updated: June 29, 2025
You no-count gump!" screamed the prisoner, beating off the hen with his hands. The boy on the outside, who was strong for his years, braced himself and gave a mighty wrench of the other child's stout extremities. Jimmy howled in pain and gave his friend an energetic kick. "Lemme go!" he shrieked, "you old impe'dunt backbiter. I'm going to tell Miss Minerva you pulled my legs out by the roots."
He was just trifling, passing time away this summer as he did three years ago, and I I silly little gump actually kissed him. I trusted him as I trust as I trusted God. I even confided father's secret to him. I loved him with my whole soul, and all the time he was comparing me to her."
"But don't say anything before mother about him. Mr. Drugg's never been one of ma's favorites," added the teacher, earnestly. As it chanced, it was old Mrs. Scattergood herself who broached the forbidden topic, almost as soon as Miss 'Rill and Janice were in the house. "What do you suppose that great gump, Hopewell Drugg, let his young'un do to-day, 'Rill?
"Yes," I said, "I give him the whip, Gump," and luckily the old man could not distinguish between the past and present tenses of the verb, so that I was spared a lie. The little thief ran away with the whip in his hand, and it was long before the incident was recalled to me. So I returned again to my books, and to the silent but no less active antagonism toward my aunt.
Bill went to gump of the side of the steps and he got the string round his leg and went fluking and then holered to old printer Smith that they was a string tide to his door bell and printer he holered back that they was one tide to his two. then they swoar and talked sum and jest then Pewts father come out and they said it was Pewt and old Missis Sawyer she come out and she said it was Pewt two. well then they begun to hunt and look behind trees and into doorways and me and Beany got prety scart and bimeby we opened the door esy and hipered round Ikes house and ran rite into old printer and he grabed us both by the neck and holered i have got the misable cusses and he draged us out to the lite and Bill and Brad said it is George Shutes boy and Irv Watsons boy and they shook us up lively. well old Missis Sawyer wanted them to take us to jale but Pewts father and Bill and printer said to take us down to our fathers and so printer held us by the neck and marched us down the street and Pewts father and Bill come along two and old Missis Sawyer she came taging along talking all the time that we was the wirst boys in town. we went down to fathers ferst and he come out and Bill he went over and called mister Watson. well he come over and they all went into the back yard and they told father about it and Missis Sawyer said she was going to have us arested and father he said if she wanted to arest me all rite but he wood get a lawyer and carry the case to the circus coart if it took evry cent he had and Mister Watson he said so two. and father he said he woodent have his boy distirbing his nabors and he wood lick me and make me beg evrybodys pardon, but it wasent merder or hyway robery to ring doorbells and if they wanted to arest me to sale rite in, and Mister Watson he said so two. then father and Mister Watson marched us up to old Hobbs and made us beg his pardon and old Hobbs told father we was the wirst boys in town and father aught to whale the life out of us, and then we went down to Pewts and had to beg his pardon for getting him a licking and then we went over to mister Heads and begged his pardon two. then father took me into the kichin and give me a licking for eech doorbell that we rung. he give me a good one for Missis Sawyer becaus she was a woman and he said we dident have enny bizness to plage a woman, and he give me a prety good one for Bill becaus Bill was a prety good feller, and he only hit me one lick for old Hobbs becaus he was mad at what old Hobbs said and he dident hit me a lick for mister Head becaus Pewt got licked for it and he said Pewt had aught to have been licked so many times when he dident that one licking one way or the other woodent make much diference. the wirst was when i had to beg Pewts pardon. i wood rather get 2 lickings.
"My dear Shorty," says he, "permit me to point out that it was you who suggested taking her to " "Because you was sittin' there like a gump," says I. "Only helpin' you out, that's all. And I'm goin' to look nice, ain't I, trailin' into a place like that with you and this say, just where does the lady fit into your past, anyway? Never heard you mention her, did I?" "Naturally not," says he.
All the same, though, they are as much about us as ever they were, and if you or I, who do believe in the Little People, were to go to the Gump on the right nights at the right hour, we should see them feasting and dancing and holding their revels just as of old.
Asaph snorted and intimated that that Debby Beasley wasn't fit to "keep house in a pigsty, and anybody but a born gump would have known it." Bailey, the "born gump," said nothing, but looked appealingly at his chum. As for Captain Cy, he did not take the trouble to affirm or deny the rumors. Peace and quiet dominated the Whittaker house for the first time in three weeks and its owner was happier.
"It bears the marks of that superb unconcern which is the characteristic of genius," replied the Ambitious Writer, contemptuously passing him by. Resting by the wayside a little later, the Tramp carved upon the smooth bark of a birch-tree the words, "John Gump, Champion Genius." Two Politicians Two Politicians were exchanging ideas regarding the rewards for public service.
Thats right, Sadie, you big gump, put your feet on the crackers. Those were bought to eat and not to be used as a door mat. Still, if you must wipe your feet we can print 'Welcome' on one of the crackers and you can clean your Dorothy Dodds till you are black in the face. "Is everything ready? Do I look all right? Wilbur, give the motorman two bells. Look out, there!
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