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Updated: May 21, 2025
"W'en we git yer 'bout'n dinner time, dar wuz Ole Miss at de do' wid de sun in her eyes, en soon es she ketch sight er Ole Marster, she put up her han' en holler out, 'Marse Lightfoot, whar de car'ige? But Ole Marster, he des hang down his haid, same es a dawg dat's done been whupped fur rabbit runnin', en he sob, 'Hit's gone, Molly en de bag er gol' en de hosses, dey's gone, too, I done loss 'em all cep'n Abel en I'm a bad man, Molly. Dat's w'at Ole Marster say, 'I'm a bad man, Molly, en I stiddy 'bout my hosses en Ole Miss' car'ige en shet my mouf right tight,"
Can't nobody talk whin he ain't got no mouf, an' can't nobody have no mouf whin he ain't got no head, an' whin li'l black Mose he look, he see dat ghost ain't go no head at all. Nary head. So de ghost say: "Ah come on down yere fo' to git a pumpkin fo' a head, an' Ah pick dat ixact pumpkin whut yo' gwine tek, an' Ah don't like dat one bit. No, sah.
"Ben kinder come ter hisse'f an' seed it wuz Primus, who b'long ter his marster an' knowed 'im as well as anybody. But befo' he could git de words out'n his mouf Primus went on talkin. "'Youer de mos' mis'able lookin' merlatter I eber seed. Dem rags look lak dey be'n run th'oo a sawmill.
After tea she had a serious quarrel with her little cousin Johnny, over a dead squirrel, which they both tried to feed with sugared water, from a teaspoon. "Johnny," cried she, "don't you touch his mouf any more! If you do, I s'an't w'ip you, Johnny, but I'll sp'inkle some ashes on your head! Yes, I will."
First teacher we had was Miss Mary Strotter. I know she couldn't learn us anything so they got C.N. Douglas. He brought that paddle with the little holes and he learned us something. I know my sister was next to me and she couldn't get her spelling and I'd work my mouf so she could see. C.N. Douglas caught me at it and he whipped me that day. I never worked my mouf again.
"I show yo' sumpin'. Now, cl'ar de way. I's goin' to work de mouf organ and dance fo' yo'." The women stopped in their work to watch him, as well as the children. Sam slid out into the middle of the floor, began to jerk a tune out of the harmonica, and commenced a slow dance a sort of double shuffle. But he soon pivoted and slid much faster, all in time with the sounds he drew from the harmonica.
So 'twas dat he see de boss, when he come in to'des evenin', tek dat heavy musket offn' de racks an' load an' clean her, an' he do it wid a mighty bad look 'bout de mouf. Den he gone up to de cupoly an' lef' it dah, an' den come down ag'in. Whiles dey all is eatin', he 'nounce th'ee time' dat he goin' be 'way endu'in' de evenin'. Den he gone out de front do', an' out de gates, an' down de street.
Jus' lemme know what Ah kin do for yo' to-night. That 'ere lobstuh Newburg's jus' about prime fo' eatin' this very minute, ef yo' feel a bit peckish." "I do," P. Sybarite admitted. "Just a spoonful " "An' uh lil drink, suh? Jus' one lil innercent cocktail to fix yo' mouf right?" "If you insist, Pete if you insist."
Well, I war so skeered, my heart flew right up in my mouf, but I made my manners to him and said, 'Good mornin', Massa. He said, 'Good mornin'; but don't call me "massa." Dat war de fust white man I eber seed dat didn't want ter be called 'massa, eben ef he war as pore as Job's turkey. Den I begin to feel right sheepish, an' he axed me ef my marster war at home, an' ef he war a Reb.
I think she'll git her back up an' that ol' Billy'll be shootin' off his mouf, but we-all done entertained Miss Ann an' ol' Billy an' them ca'ige hosses goin' onter three months already this year an' it's high time some er the res' of the fambly step up. What's the matter with Marse Big Josh? An' if he air onable what's the matter with Marse Lil Josh?
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