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Updated: June 28, 2025
Bredwel, to pass Gayman out undetected, ushers him through the room white-sheeted like a ghost, and the two old fools are well frightened, but eventually they conclude there has been some mistake or trick. Sir Feeble returns home to find Leticia with her jewels about to flee, but she succeeds in reassuring him.
Our Store's quite wasted, and our Credit's small, Not a Fool left to bless our selves withal. We show you one to day intirely new, And of all Jests, none relish like the true. Let that the value of our Play inhance, Then it may prove indeed the Lucky Chance. Sir Feeble Fainwou'd, an old Alderman to be married Mr. Leigh. to Leticia, Sir Cautious Fulbank, an old Banker married to Julia, Mr. Nokes.
Now, my Leticia, if thou e'er didst Love, If ever thou design'st to make me blest Without delay fly this adulterous Bed. Sir Feeb. Bel. I must be gone, lest he suspect us I'll lose him, and return to thee immediately get thy self ready. Let. I will not fail, my Love. Old Man forgive me thou the Aggressor art, Who rudely forc'd the Hand without the Heart.
Ah, Fool, old dull besotted Fool to think she'd love me 'twas by base means I gain'd her cozen'd an honest Gentleman of Fame and Life L. Ful. You did so, Sir, but 'tis not past Redress you may make that honest Gentleman amends. Sir Feeb. Oh, wou'd I could, so I gave half my Estate L. Ful. That Penitence atones with him and Heaven. Come forth, Leticia, and your injur'd Ghost.
Oh, Lord, Sir, die or live, 'tis all one for that, Sir I'll stand to the Bargain my Uncle makes. Pert. Bea. Prithee hold thy Peace, my Lady's Woman. L. Ful. Sir, I beg your pardon for not waiting on you to Church I knew you wou'd be private. Enter Let. fine in Jewels. Sir Feeb. L. Ful. Give you Joy, my dear Leticia! I find, Sir, you were resolved for Youth, Wit and Beauty. Sir Feeb.
Let. Bel. Is it because thou'st broken all thy Vows? Take to thee Courage, and behold thy Slaughters. Let. Bel. Oh my Leticia! Let. I'm sure I grasp not Air; thou art no Fantom: Thy Arms return not empty to my Bosom, But meet a solid Treasure. Bel. A Treasure thou so easily threw'st away; A Riddle simple Love ne'er understood. Let. Alas, I heard, my Bellmour, thou wert dead. Bel.
Oh, swear a-new, Give me again thy Faith, thy Vows, thy Soul; For mine's so sick with this Day's fatal Business, It needs a Cordial of that mighty strength; Swear swear, so as if thou break'st Thou mayst be any thing but damn'd, Leticia. Let. Bel. Enter Sir Feeble, L. Fulbank, Sir Cautious. Sir Feeb. Lette, Lette, Lette, where are you, little Rogue, Lette? Hah hum what's here
Go to More of your Love, and less of your Ceremony give the old Fool a hearty buss, and pay him that way he, ye little wanton Tit, I'll steal up and catch ye and love ye adod, I will get ye gone get ye gone. Let. Leticia and Diana. Sir Cau. How, steal up, Sir Feeble I hope not so; I hold it most indecent before the lawful hour. Sir Feeb. Lawful hour!
Ay, 'tis he, and I'm undone what shall I do to kill him now? besides, the Sin wou'd put me past all Hopes of pardoning. Sir Feeb. A damn'd Rogue to deceive me thus. Bel. Hah see, by Heaven Leticia, Oh, we are ruin'd! Sir Feeb. Enter Leticia and Phillis softly, undrest, with a Box. Let. Where are you, my best Wishes? Lord of my Vows and Charmer of my Soul? Where are you? Bel. Sir Feeb.
Father, farewell if you dislike my course, Blame the old rigid Customs of your Force. SCENE II. A Bed-chamber. Enter Sir Feeble, Leticia, and Phillis. Let. Ah, Phillis! I am fainting with my Fears, Hast thou no comfort for me? Sir Feeb. Why, what art doing there fiddle fadling adod, you young Wenches are so loth to come to but when your hand's in, you have no mercy upon us poor Husbands. Let.
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