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Updated: June 10, 2025
His inheritance is the chambermaid, but often purchaseth his master's daughter, by reason of opportunity, or for want of a better, he always cuckolds himself, and never marries but his own widow. His master being appeased, he becomes a retainer, and entails himself and his posterity upon his heir-males for ever. Is the kernel of a sign; or the sign is the shell, and mine host is the snail.
"For cold comforters commend me to these cropeared cuckolds," he grumbled. "They are all thought for a man's soul, but for his body they care nothing. Here am I who for the last ten hours have had neither meat nor drink. Not that I mind the meat so much, but, 'slife, my throat is dry as one of their sermons, and I would cheerfully give four of my five hours of life for a posset of sack.
The intrigues and counter-intrigues are innumerable. At the end the cuckolds all jeer one another. p. 186 Sir Courtly Nice. This witty comedy, Crowne's masterpiece, was produced at the Theatre Royal in 1685. Mrs. Behn's allusion is to Act ii, II, where Crack, disguised as a tailor, visits Leonora. The language is often cleverly suggestive. p. 186 Sir Fopling.
And once in her life she very earnestly entreated him to carry her for two months to London, which he peremptorily denied; nay, was angry with his wife for the request ever after, being well assured that all the husbands in London are cuckolds.
There have been, Or I am much deceived, cuckolds ere now, And many a man there is, even at this present, Now, while I speak this, holds his wife by the arm, That little thinks she has been sluiced in's absence And his pond fished by his next neighbour, by Sir Smile, his neighbour: nay, there's comfort in't, Whiles other men have gates, and those gates opened, As mine, against their will.
Then to country dances; the King leading the first, which he called for; which was, says he, "Cuckolds all awry," the old dance of England. He died 1672, and was buried in Westminster Abbey. Having staid here as long as I thought fit, to my infinite content, it being the greatest pleasure I could wish now to see at Court, I went home, leaving them dancing.
This beautiful world was not built for politicians and preachers, kings and cuckolds; but for the beasts and birds, the forests and the flowers, and over all of life, animate and inanimate, the earthly image of Almighty God was made the absolute but loving lord. The lion should serve him and the wild deer come at his call.
Marry, sir, at this rate, I rather think it is you have a design of betraying the State you cuckoldy knaves, that bring your handsome wives to seduce our young senators from their sobriety and wits. 'Are these the recompenses, replied Brilliard, 'you give the injured, and in lieu of restoring me my right, am I reproached with the most scandalous infamy that can befall a man? 'Well, sir, replied Sebastian, 'is this all you have to charge this gentleman with? At which he bowed, and was silent and Sebastian continued 'If your wife, sir, have a mind to my nephew, or he to her, it should have been your care to have forbid it, or prevented it, by keeping her under lock and key, if no other way to be secured; and, sir, we do not sit here to relieve fools and cuckolds; if your lady will be civil to my nephew, what is that to us: let her speak for herself: what say you, madam? 'I say, replied Sylvia, 'that this fellow is mad and raves, that he is my vassal, my servant, my slave; but, after this, unworthy of the meanest of these titles. This she spoke with a disdain that sufficiently shewed the pride and anger of her soul 'La you, sir, replied Sebastian, 'you are discharged your lady's service; it is a plain case she has more mind to the young Count than the husband, and we cannot compel people to be honest against their inclinations. And coming down from the seat where he sat, he embraced Octavio a hundred times, and told the board, he was extremely glad they found the mighty plot, but a vagary of youth, and the spleen of a jealous husband or lover, or whatsoever other malicious thing; and desired the angry man might be discharged, since he had so just a provocation as the loss of a mistress.
Thereupon the provost tried a better argument to argue with his good wife, and argued so well that she finished by allowing herself to be convinced that Heaven has ordained that much pleasure may be obtained from small things. This shows us that nothing here below can prevail against the Church of Cuckolds.
"Do like me, be cuckolds in the blade, and not in the sheath." Which is the true morality of the conjugal condition.
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