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Updated: May 12, 2025
'But we can always stand the weight, can't we? He picked out one of them glitterin' Chinese works of art and regarded it real lovin'. 'Yes, says he, 'it's sure nice stuff. Hurry along and we'll close the dicker. "Up-stairs the old gent had the money ready for me to count. "'Correct? says he. "'Ya-a-as, says I. "'Well, I'll put 'em in a neat bundle for you, says he.
I can't tell you how good it makes me feel in this city of sin to come across a square man like yourself what do you say to a bottle of wine? "'Ya-a-as, says I. With life ripplin' along like this I was endorsin' the whole time-table. "Wine is a mawker. The first small glass of it hadn't gone whistlin' down afore she begun to mawk me.
Here's the opportunity of a lifetime goin' on the loose for want of a man. That durn Johnson has lost his golden show. It's a very strange story, says he. "'Ya-a-as, says I. He looked at me a minute, but Lord! How was a poor Mormon to hold suspicions? So he goes on. "'At first, he says, 'you might git the idee there was somethin' jubeeous in these preceedin's, but there ain't.
And we stayed there, gettin' powerful as anything, and kind of confidential, too, till finally he felt called upon to explain his business with this man Johnson. He took me into a back room to do it. "'Mr. Scraggs, says he, 'there's things betwixt Heaven and Earth that ain't dreamt of on your velocipede, Horatio. "'Ya-a-as, says I. "'Sh-h-h, says he, 'not so loud.
"''M ya-a-as, says he, without anything you could figger as wild enthusiasm in his voice; 'I hev. "'Well, says I, 'multiply one by eighteen, and let's have a drink. They sends me word back, wishin' my work to prosper, to try New York City, but not to draw on 'em for any more funds until I had a saved sinner or two to show for it. Well, sir, this last clause jolted me.
Instead of anything that looked or smelt or sounded like money in that parcel, was nothin' but a lot of newspapers cut into strips, with a note on top of 'em bearin' these insultin' words: "'There's a sucker born every minute. "Then I counted up on my fingers fourteen drinks and one five-dollar dinner, and says I to myself: "'Ya-a-as, says I, 'I don't reckon but what that's true."
And from that time on, before his very eyes, he has to see his widder and eighteen helpless children die of starvation through not havin' enough to eat, right in front of his face ain't that fierce? says he. "'Ya-a-as, says I. "'Well, at last this man gets a job in the Treasury; it didn't pay much just enough to live on.
"Ya-a-as, M'sieu' Weensheep, so I call heem: M'sieu'; M'sieu'; M'sieu'." Very carefully Frenchy pronounced the clipped word. "That's all, Joe; I s'pose book French is a good deal diff'rent from ord'nary Kanuck. 'Mosseer' is right anyhow, for the book says so. Teacher had ought to know enough to go by the book, I sh' think." "Tain't her fault, Pa," I said, relenting.
Now, if some good, honest man, yet not quite so honest as all that, wanted to turn a dollar, he could buy two thousand dollars' worth of them bills for one hundred ordinary cold money. It's this way, too, says he. 'It ain't only conscience; the old man's mortal scart; he's always dreamin' of Secret Service men comin' in on rubbers. Now, ain't that an opportunity? "'Ya-a-as, says I.
Hefty had hooted hoarsely: "Ya-a-as you are, you big bluff!" "Who you callin' a bluff, you baggage-smasher, you! I'm goin' to war, I'm tellin' you." Hefty, still scoffing, turned away to his work. "Well, then, I guess it's as good as over. Give old Willie a swipe for me, will you?" "You bet I will. Watch me!" I think he more than half meant it. And thus Buzz Werner went to war.
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