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Updated: May 31, 2025
Why they got as much notion how to act around a chu'ch as an unborn babe has of shellin' peanuts. Folks needs eddicatin' to a chu'ch like that. Eddicatin'? An' that's a word as ain't a cuss word, and as the boys of this yer city ain't wise to." "It seems rather hopeless, doesn't it?" said Helen, stifling a violent inclination to laugh outright. Dirty O'Brien was less scrupulous.
He hadn't made no secon' ch'ice yit an', you know, when de fust one of a parted couple marries ag'in, dey 'bleeged to take to de broomstick less'n dey go whar 'tain't known on 'em. Dat's de rule o' divo'cemint. When Yaller Silvy married my Joe wid a broomstick, dat lef' me free for a chu'ch marriage. An' I tell you, I had it, too.
It was a gal name' Cindy, w'at libbed wid 'er mammy in a cabin by deyse'ves. Cindy tuk ter Skundus ez much ez Skundus tuk ter Cindy, en' bimeby Skundus axed his marster ef he could marry Cindy. Marse Dugal' b'long' ter de P'isbytay'n Chu'ch en' never 'lowed his niggers ter jump de broomstick, but alluz had a preacher fer ter marry 'em.
When he got up to come out to de office in de yard, whar he slept, he stooped down an' kissed 'im jes' like he wuz a baby layin' dyar in de bed, an' he'd hardly let ole missis go at all. I knowed some'n wuz up, an' nex' mawnin' I called 'im early befo' light, like he tole me, an' he dressed an' come out pres'n'y jes' like he wuz goin' to chu'ch.
'You des pay de preacher, days wat I tell 'em, 'en I'se gwine do all de mah'yin' days ter be done'; en w'en de preacher done got thoo wid me en Eve, I stood right up in de chu'ch an axed ef dey wus any udder nigger 'ooman es 'ud like ter do a little mah'yin'? 'Hit's es easy ter mah'y a dozen es ter mah'y one, I holler out." "Oh, Uncle Isam! No wonder Aunt Eve was angry.
Say, if I know anything o' the boys, in a week they'll be shootin' craps with the parson fer his wages, an', in a month, they'll set up tables around in the body o' the chu'ch so they ken play 'draw' while the old man argues the shortest cut to everlastin' glory. You ain't got the boys in this city right, miss. Indeed, you ain't. Chu'ch?
Are yo' going' to be hyah tomorrow? I told him I was going to Sunday there. 'Well, said the old gentleman, 'I will see you tomorrow mo'nin'. I'll come down befo' I go to chu'ch. "When he came down the next morning I was up in my room where my samples were.
"I ain't turnin' nothin' loose on chu'ch 'scriptions. I wants money right now fer ter git a pint er meal." 'Tain't dat." "An' I ain't heppin fer ter berry nobody. Much's I kin do ter keep de bref in my own body." "'Tain't dat, nudder." "An' I ain't puttin' my han' ter no reckommends.
Uncle Remus eyed Charley curiously a moment, while the latter looked quietly at his timber toe. Finally, the old man sighed and spoke: "How long is you bin in de chu'ch, son?" "Mighty near a week," replied Charley. "Well, lemme tell you dis, now, 'fo' you go enny fudder. You ain't bin in dar long nuff fer ter go 'roun' takin' up conterbutions.
"Hit's des like I tell you, Brer Rastus, an' I hatter git Mars John fer to go inter my bon's fer me. Hit ain't no use fer ter sing out chu'ch ter me, Brer Rastus. I done bin an' got my dose. W'en I goes ter war, I wanter know w'at I'm a doin'. I don't wanter git hemmed up 'mong no wimmen and preachers. I wants elbow-room, an I'm bleedzd ter have it. Des gimme elbow-room."
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