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Updated: June 12, 2025
One is to shake hands, as we always does a'ter a brush, you knows, sir, and to look a'ter each other's health; and the other is to report a misfortin that will bear hard on this day's dinner.
"Dearie me, child, that's no way to take misfortin. The whole thing from first to last was just a bit of bad luck, and luck's the queerest thing in life. I have thought over luck all my long years, and am not far from seventy, thank the Lord for his goodness, and I can't understand it yet. Luck's agen yer, and nothing you can do will make it for yer, jest for a spell.
Great, therefore, was Betsy Waroonga's alarm when she missed her one day from her little bed where she should have been sleeping. "Ebony!" cried Betsy, turning sharply round and glaring, "Zariffa's gone." "Quite dead," exclaimed the negro, aghast. "Not at all dead," said Betsy; "but gone gone hout of hers bed." "Dat no great misfortin', missis," returned Ebony, with a sigh of relief.
Now this is a great misfortin', for it's well known that seals make first-rate beef leastwise to them as ain't partic'lar so we'll set about catchin' of 'em at once." "But how?" asked Stubbs, becoming interested under the influence of his comrade's earnest enthusiasm. "This is how.
Besides, in broad daylight it would be tough work, pullin' agin' the flood; an' I had the misfortin to hurt my shoulder, tryin' to right my boat in the bay, which partly disables me, I am sorry to say; for I should like to put my whole strength to your service." "O, Mr. Chillis! say no more, I beg. How selfish I am! when you have been so kind with a bruise on your shoulder, and all!
All our money goes to pay salaries, and a poor man has no chance at all. 'Well, says I, 'are you done up stock and fluke a total wrack? 'No, says he, 'I have two hundred pounds left yet to the good, but my farm, stock and utensils, them young blood horses, and the bran' new vessel I was a-buildin', are all gone to pot, swept as clean as a thrashin' floor, that's a fact; Shark and Co. took all. 'Well, says I, 'do you know the reason of all that misfortin'? 'Oh, says he, 'any fool can tell that; bad times to be sure everything has turned agin the country, the banks have it all their own way, and much good may it do 'em. 'Well, says I, 'what's the reason the banks don't eat us up too, for I guess they are as hungry as your'n be, and no way particular about their food neither; considerable sharp set cut like razors, you may depend.
Or, morebetoken, how can we tell what quare ugly misfortin thim that's took is took out of the road of, that we should be as good as biddin' thim stay till it comes to ruinate them? So it's prayin' away I am, honey," said old Biddy, whom Theresa could not help hating heart sickly. "But like enough the Lord might know better than to be mindin' a word I say."
If you say, "Ah, yes, but also your hours of grief and misfortin;" I answer, it is troo, and you prob'ly refer to the circumstans of my hirin' a young man of dissypated habits to fix hisself up as A real Cannibal from New Zeelan, and when I was simply tellin the audience that he was the most feroshos Cannibal of his tribe, and that, alone and unassisted, he had et sev'ril of our fellow countrymen, and that he had at one time even contemplated eatin his Uncle Thomas on his mother's side, as well as other near and dear relatives, when I was makin' these simple statements the mis'ble young man said I was a lyer, and knockt me off the platform.
The man said theirs weren't like other children, for they had been brought up to do the thing as they were told, an' to remember that things that belonged to other people was to be handled as sich; an', said he, they were always too busy earnin' their bread to be up to tricks, an' in fact were always too tired to have much spare powder to let off; so the long an' short on it was, we took 'em in, an' they've turned out as quiet an' well-behaved a family as you could desire; an' if they ain't got jest the most respectable way o' earnin' their livelihood, that may be as much their misfortin as their fault, as my husband he said.
Ah, bad scran to 'ee. Isn't it the fulfilment of your grandmother's owld prophecy, that you'd come to a bad ind at last? It's little I'd care for your misfortin myself, if it warn't that you ought to be helpin' poor Mr Hazlit, who's gone as mad as blazes, an' whose daughter can't be far off. Och! Man alive," he added, with sudden enthusiasm, "niver give in while there's a purty girl in the case!"
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