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Updated: June 4, 2025
"None at all", replied John. "Well, then I'll jest mention, yeou needn't jump into it, like a catameount rampagin' arter fodder. Yeou step in kinder keerful and set deown and don't move reound more'n ye ken help. It's a mighty crank little critter, I tell ye. 'Twould be tolable unconvenient to upset and git eour cargo turned into the stream". "It would indeed!" said John.
Why, dodrabbit ye, Leezur!" said this native Artichoke, "ye never done an ongodly thing in yer life 'cept, maybe," he added, "to cuss a little when ye was fishin' for the bucket." "'Specially," said Captain Leezur intelligently, "when the women folks has been thar afore ye, r'ilin' the water and jabbin' of her furder deown."
But Abe protested that he could not eat another bite unless he should get up and run around the house to "joggle deown" what he had already swallowed.
Wal, one spring-night, I mind it well, we wuz walkin' deown the lane together, an' the wind wuz blowin', the laylocks wuz in bloom, an' all overhead the lane wuz rustlin' 'ith the great purple plumes in the moonlight, an' the air wuz sweeter 'ith their breath than any air I've ever taken sence, an' ez we wuz walkin', 'Miah wuz askin' me fur ter fix eour weddin'-day.
Jones, ses she, lookin' sarcier than ever, 'I shall expect yeou to hev a sign painted with your real name on it and put up on your store, and yeou must build a new heouse before I merry yeou. That sobered me deown a leetle. I sed, 'But Jinny, I don't want ye to merry me, unless ye like me. I'll build a heouse and gin it tew ye, ef that's what ye want.
"Thar 's somethin' abeout a log," continued Captain Leezur; "when ye go inter the heouse in warm weather, an' sets deown in a cheer, the women kind o' looks at ye as though you was sick or dreffle lazy; but when ye're eout settin' on a log ye feels as though God was on yewr side, an' man nor woman wa'n't able to afflict ye.
Having been duly ushered into the "best room," he embellished for her benefit the story already told to the husband. "I think I kin 'commodate yeou," she broke forth, "but yeou'll have to pay putty well for't. Laws me, I'm told and I've ways o' heerin' 'bout these things that the deetecters are jest as likely as not to come a-swoopin' deown enny minnit.
All them big folks in Spain was settin' areound, ye know, ta'ntin' of him, and sayin' as how an egg couldn't be made to sot. "So Columbus, he took one up and give her a tunk, pretty solid, deown onto the table. 'There! says he; 'you stay sot, says he, 'and keep moderate a spall, says he. 'Forced-to-go never gits far, says he. "Then there was Lot's wife.
Miss Ellie, pass the radishes." "I'll do my best," Abe hastened to assure her. "Hy-guy, that coffee smells some kind o' good, don't it? Between the smell o' the stuff an' the looks o' my cup, it'll be so temptin' that I'll wish I had the neck of a gi-raffe, an' could taste it all the way deown. Angy, I be afraid we'll git the gout a-livin' so high. Look at this here cream!"
"I don't remember jest the partickelers, nor what she was turnin' areound to look for; whether she was goin' to a sewin'-circle and lookin' back to see what Lot was dewin' to home, or whether she was jest strokin' deown her polonaise a little, the way women does; but anyway, she was one o' this 'ere kind that needed moderatin'. "So she got turned into a pillar o' salt, and there she sot.
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