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Updated: July 22, 2025
He says the thing's a gone tater; no more craps of corn offen the bottom land, no more electin' presidents of this free and glorious Columby, no more Fourths, no more shootin' crackers nor spangled banners, no more nothin'. He ciphers and ciphers, and then spits on his slate and wipes us all out. Whenever Gabr'el blows I'll b'lieve it, but I won't take none o' Hankins's tootin' in place of it.
And what's to hender? A'n't he a free-born an' enlightened citizen of this glorious and civilized and Christian land of Hail Columby? What business has a Dutchman, ef he's ever so smart and honest and larned, got in our broad domains, resarved for civil and religious liberty? What business has he got breathin' our atmosphere or takin' refuge under the feathers of our American turkey-buzzard?
Likewise he wouldn't hev his boots off, for fere of catchin cold. I put the candle in the wash-basan that the critter mightn't set hisself on fire, and left him in bed with his umburella up, singing "Ale columby." Arter that I went down and finished the mahogany. It has been thought worthy of preservation in the form of a supplementary paper to the present little volume.
"Not such a dreadful sight, but I guess these girls do. Come, girls, play us a jig, won't you?" "Go, Cad, it won't hurt you," whispered John, but Carrie was immovable, and at last, Anna, who entered more into her brother's spirit, took her seat at the instrument, asking what he would have. "Oh, give us 'Money Musk, 'Hail Columby, 'Old Zip Coon, or anything to raise a feller's ideas."
A man may raise 'leven children as easy as rollin' off 'n a log, 'nd yet the twelfth one, that is n't his at all, may break him. There is ginerally a last straw, even when it comes to the matter uv children. So when the colonel riz feet foremost for the third time outern his bunk that night or, I should say, mornin', for it was mighty near mornin' now we looked for hail Columby.
Go inter 'em like a thousand of bricks fallin' off 'n a slated rufe. The genius of Ammerikin liberty, in the shape of the carnivorous eagle, soarin' aloft on diluted pillions, seems to mutter E Pluribus Unum we are one of 'em! Hail Columby happy land! Sing Yankee Doodle that fine tune cry havock! and let looset the dogs of war." Then commenced the horror of the sham fight.
Maybe that canyon is a river, an' if so the entrance to it's nigh sure a muskeg. A bottomless muskeg. You seen 'em, ain't you? No? Wal, they're swamps, an' if we get into one, why, I guess ther's jest Hail Columby, or some other fool thing waitin' for us at the bottom. Still ther' mayn't be no muskeg. As I sez, you never can tell, tho' ther' most gener'ly is.
"They're doin' pretty well, so ma says. Ma's there now and they've sent for Hannah Poundberry. Gee!" he added, yawning, "I ain't slept a wink. Been on the jump, now I tell ye. Didn't none of them Come-Outers git in, not one. I sent 'em on the home tack abilin'. You ought to hear me give old Zeke Bassett Hail Columby! Gosh! I was just ahopin' HE'D come." Mrs.
"I am not!" protested Life with earnestness enough to prove that he meant all that he said. "Don't you see that I wear the uniform of the United States army? and, Hail Columby! if I ain't a Union man from the smallest nail in the heel of my boot to the top hair on my Kentucky skull!"
"Fust he'd work the hoe with them long arms er his'n 'til the weeds an' dirt flew like Hail Columby, and ye'd think he'd got goin' an' couldn't halt, when all to onct he'd stop as ef somethin'd bit him, an' he'd drop the hoe and begin ter gesticerlate and spaout like a preacher. "Pooty soon he'd make a grab fer the hoe, and agin the dirt would fly like all fury.
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