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Updated: June 7, 2025
His name was not Middleton, of course, so I am not really 'giving him away, as he called it, even now. As for his companion, though he is still alive, I have called him Juggins, and, since the family is a large one, he will not, perhaps, be identified. The days are hot and damp, and my legs are stiff with cramp, And the office punkahs creak!
'My lord, I was the party that did it! 'Order in the court! order in the court! cried the ushers. 'I commit you! I commit you! thundered Lord Justice Juggins. 'Take her away. Five years and hard labour. Struggling violently, Philippa was dragged away by the minions of the law. I notice one visitor turn round, and gaze at the commotion. It is Mrs. Thompson, the Bearded Woman.
"S'pose," said Russell, snoring thoughtfully, "s'pose we had a telegraph!" "S'pose we had an airship! One's just as easy as the other. Don't be a juggins." But Russell snored on unperturbed. "I don't mean a real telegraph, only a sort of pretend! There's our side window, and your back windows. If we could run a line across." "A line of what?" "String. Wire. Anything we like."
For cook and house-maid on these days it would be a busy morning. Failing other supervision, Dan and I agreed that to secure success on these important occasions each of us should criticise the work of the other. I passed judgment on Dan's cooking, he upon my house-work. "Too much soda," I would declare, sampling the cake. "You silly Juggins! It's meant to taste of soda it's a soda cake."
What is your game? You may as well tell me." "I amuse myself in my own way, and I don't care to let the school know much about me." "Well, my game's very simple. Only a juggins or a horse ever works, and I don't intend to do any. It's just as easy to be idle as not. You take the fellows in town that make their living after dark, and you always see them having good times.
We got a meal of sorts, and I was lying off smoking, and thinking how lucky it was that the Sâkai had cleared out, when suddenly old Juggins sat up with his eyes fairly snapping at me. "I say," he said, "I must have that baby. It would make a ripping specimen." "It would make a ripping stink," I answered. "Go to sleep, Juggins, old man, the tapioca has gone to your head."
"Why, you juggins!" cried the senior man, "there never was an operation at all! They found the patient didn't stand the chloroform well, and so the whole thing was off. Archer has been giving us one of his racy lectures, and you fainted just in the middle of his favourite story." It was a dull October morning, and heavy, rolling fog-wreaths lay low over the wet grey roofs of the Woolwich houses.
The great stay-at-home B.P. will swallow the yarn chapter and verse, and know for certain that poor harmless Iviça is a den of robbers; Juggins will believe it all, smoke, flash, and report, after he has retailed it twice, and will pose as a hero; and I, I've had my amusement. You should hear him talk about the illustrations, too. He can't draw or paint; hasn't a notion of either.
Then came a mighty heave and when Juggins in far right was seen running like mad it looked as if Allandale had clinched another brace of runs then and there. But Horatio proved himself to be a hero, for he gobbled that drive, and the side was extinguished with no damage done. Scranton tried with might and main to do something wonderful in their last half of the final inning.
The men of Hawks' Boost talked pretty freely about each other in the absence of such of their fellow clubmen as were under discussion. Barter was spoken of as Steinberg's Mug, Berg's Juggins, Stein's Spoofmarker. It was generally admitted that Stein made a good thing out of him, and the wonder was where Barter got his money.
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