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Updated: June 12, 2025
It ran thus: "This knifs wun of too made ekspres t'other is for thy hart if thou doesnt harken Trade and leve Chetm. Is thy skin thicks dore thinks thou if not turn up and back to Lundon or I cum again and rip thy carkiss with feloe blade to this thou cokny Any one who reads it by the fireside may smile at the incongruous mixture of a sanguinary menace with bad spelling.
"'Twas ringin' in my ears still whin I felt in the bones of me that Dinah was comin', an' I heard a shout, an' thin I saw a horse an' a tattoo latherin' down the road, hell to shplit, under women. I knew I knew! Wan was the Tyrone Colonel's wife ould Beeker's lady her gray hair flyin' an' her fat round carkiss rowlin' in the saddle, an' the other was Dinah, that shud ha' been at Pindi.
An' by the Holy Articles av War, whin they wint aboord they cheered him till they cudn't spake, an' that, mark you, has not come about wid a draf' in the mlm'ry av livin' man! You look to that little orf'cer bhoy. He has bowils. 'Tis not ivry child that wud chuck the Rig'lations to Flanders an' stretch Peg Barney on a wink from a brokin an' dilapidated ould carkiss like mysilf.
"Don't nobody pay no 'tention to Jimmy," he replied contemptuously; "he ain't nothin' but a baby, an' them other mens can come if you wants 'em to; but," said Billy, with a lover's unerring intuition, "I ain't a-goin' to stand fer that long-legged, sorrel-top Maurice Richmond a-trottin' his great big carkiss down here ev'y minute.
"No don't do that," said the Bagman, in a strange, jerky voice, "what 'ud be the good?" "Why, that there poor animal wouldn't have to drag that fat carkiss of yours up and down hills, for one thing." "I'll get out and walk." "And it might learn ye to keep a civil tongue in your head." "I I didn't mean any offence." "Then chuck us your purse," growled the other, "and be quick about it."
"I hope ye will, sorr," heartily echoed Tim. "I mint to riddle his carkiss an ownly winged him. The ugly black divil sames to kape a charmed loife, an' I dare say his ould frind below helps him, the nayghur!" Mr Mackay, however, was equally unsuccessful; for, as luck would have it, another of the pirates jumping up in front of the chief received the bullet intended for him.
'Odd numbers fall out to dress; even numbers pathrol the town till relieved by the dressing party. Let me tell you, pathrollin' a town wid nothing on is an expayrience. I pathrolled for tin minutes, an' begad, before 'twas over, I blushed. The women laughed so. I niver blushed before or since; but I blushed all over my carkiss thin. Orth'ris didn't pathrol.
An', by the Holy Articles av War, whin they wint aboard they cheered him till they cudn't spake, an' that, mark you, has not come about wid a draf in the mim'ry av livin' man! You look to that little orf'cer bhoy. He has bowils. 'Tis not ivry child that wud chuck the Rig'lations to Flanders an' stretch Peg Barney on a wink from a brokin an' dilapidated ould carkiss like mesilf.
Johnny Greer was sitting just in front of me. A ragged street-boy, with eager eye, turned upon him instantly, and said in a hoarse whisper "'No; but did you, though? "'Yes. "'Towed the carkiss ashore and saved it yo'self? "'Yes. "'Cracky! What did they give you? "'Nothing. I'd 'a' anchored him out in the stream, and said, Five dollars, gents, or you carn't have yo' nigger."
If I was to tell you all the woes as my poor old carkiss is hair to, you could write a book on 'em a big 'un. I got everything the matter wi' me, I 'ave, from a thick ear an' broke nose as I took in Brummagem sixty an' five years ago to a hactive liver." "A what?" enquired Ravenslee. "A hactive liver. Lord, Guv, my liver gets that hactive lately as I can't set still Joe knows, ax Joe!
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