The truth of the matter is this: I could not abide to zee the pictures of my vamily with a parcel of loose hair hanging about their eyes, like zo many colts; and zo I employed a painter vellow from Lundon to clap decent periwigs upon their skulls, at the rate of vive shillings a head, and offered him three shillings a piece to furnish each with a handsome pair of shoes and stockings: but the rascal, thinking I must have 'em done at any price after their heads were covered, haggled with me for four shillings a picture; and zo, rather than be imposed upon, I turned him off, and shall let 'em stand as they are, till zome more reasonable brother of the brush comes round the country."
It ran thus: "This knifs wun of too made ekspres t'other is for thy hart if thou doesnt harken Trade and leve Chetm. Is thy skin thicks dore thinks thou if not turn up and back to Lundon or I cum again and rip thy carkiss with feloe blade to this thou cokny Any one who reads it by the fireside may smile at the incongruous mixture of a sanguinary menace with bad spelling.
Why, it was in that werry place, Major, as we 'listed Lundon; him as was afterwards made sergeant for being the first man into Sebastian, and arterwards married Skettles; her as fell out of eighteen stories at Brussels looking after the Duke, and she swore at them as came to pick her up, she did; and walked in at the front door as bold as brass."
Our community hes put out a daily paper what's a credit to to our community, especially the poetry; we've got a paper mill at Royal what makes paper fer New Yoruk; an' now, to cap the climate, our community hes lighted our community with 'lectric lights fit fer Lundon, New Yoruk, Canada or or or our community.