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Updated: June 27, 2025
None of these celebrated passages is more obviously Dickens at his best than this, the admirable description of "the true principles of waitering," or the account of how the waiter's father came back to his mother in broad daylight, "in itself an act of madness on the part of a waiter," and how he expired repeating continually "two and six is three and four is nine."
An Italian named Santini and his wife were found murdered." "Santini!" gasped Kampf, starting up. "But surely he is not dead?" "No. That's the curious part of the affair. The man who was killed was a man disguised to represent the Italian, while the woman was actually the waiter's wife herself. I happen to know the man Santini well, for both he and his wife were for some years in my employ."
I knew that we ought not to listen. But the mystery of the fellow's manner and the concern of his air constrained me, and I too paused, listening. From behind the door there came to our strained attentive ears the sound of a woman sobbing. I sought the waiter's eyes; they were already bent on me. Again the sad sounds came low, swift, and convulsive. It went to my heart to hear them.
Occasionally there was spasmodic shelling and bomb dropping, but the heat prevented any general activity. Headquarters was under howitzer fire at times. One shell landed in the mess waiter's tent and damaged nine men. There was a tale told at the time concerning a powerful Sheik near the front who was neutral. His son becoming ill, he sent to the Turks, and also to us, for a doctor.
Maude helped herself to Gorgonzola and looked very guilty and uncomfortable. Frank began to laugh. 'I meant you to be rude to ME, not to the cheese, said he, when the procession had withdrawn. 'I did my best, Frank. I contradicted you. 'Oh, it was a shocking display of temper. 'And I hurt the poor waiter's feelings. 'Yes, you'll have to apologise to his Stilton before he will forgive you.
"No salad," said the homesick stranger, "not unless you could chop me up some lettuce and powder it with granulated sugar and pour a little vinegar over it and bring it in to me with the rest of the grub. Where I was raised we always had chewing tobacco for the salad course, anyhow." The head waiter's whole being recoiled from the bare prospect.
He took her offered hand and at the same time barred the waiter's exit with his cane. "Is the princess still lodged in these rooms?" he demanded. The servant could not find a word to say in apology, but the princess came to his aid. "I wished to remain here," said she, calmly. The domestic was then dismissed and the visitor ushered into the next room.
So he took them to supper, dismissing their hesitation as unworthy of combat; Susan and Billy laughed helplessly and happily as they sat down at the little table, and heard the German waiter's rapture at the commands Stephen Bocqueraz so easily gave him in his mother tongue.
"I won't, because I haven't," she said, reappearing with a smiling nonchalance which removed the last shred of doubt from the waiter's mind. But, for all that, she electrified Curtis with a timidly grateful glance, for she appreciated his thoughtfulness in giving her an opportunity to collect her scattered wits.
And when the bill came he compelled Fatty to let her pay a dollar and a quarter of it out of her crumpled five. The two girls were fascinated by the large roll of bills fives, tens, twenties which Fatty took from his trousers pocket. They stared open-eyed when he laid a twenty on the waiter's plate along with Susan's five.
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