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Updated: May 12, 2025
There's the baby dopes; and the G-U cures that keep the disease going when right treatment could cure it; and the methylene blue " "Stop it! Stop it!" cried Hal. "I've heard enough." Alcohol, the juggler with men's thoughts, abruptly pressed upon a new center of ideation in Certina Charley's brain. "D'you think I like it?" he sniveled, with lachrymose sentimentality.
Putting up the receiver, Dr. Surtaine turned to his desk and sat immersed in thought. Presently he shook his head. He scratched a few notes on a pad, tore off the sheet and thrust it into the small safe at his elbow. Proof of a half-page Certina display beckoned him in buoyant, promissory type to his favorite task. He glanced at the safe.
Do something for me, will you?" he requested. "Wire to Belford Couch, the Willard, Washington, to come on here by first train." "Couch? Oh, that's Certina Charley, isn't it? Your professional fixer?" "Never mind what he is. You'll be sure to do it, won't you?" "No. Do it yourself," said Ellis curtly, and walked out without a good-night. "Well, whaddye think of that!" spluttered Dr. Surtaine.
But when the Pure Food Law compelled us to print the amount of morphine on the label, I just made up my mind that I'd have no government interference in the Certina business, so I dropped the drug." "Did the law hurt our trade much?" "Not so far as Certina goes. I'm not even sure it didn't help. You see, now we can print 'Guaranteed under the U.S. Food and Drugs Act' on every bottle.
By no means satisfied with this interview, McGuire Ellis left the Certina plant, and almost ran into Dr. Elliot, whom he hailed, for he had the faculty of knowing everybody. "Not doing any doctoring nowadays, are you?" "No," retorted the other. "Doing any sickening, yourself?" Ellis grinned. "It's despairing weariness that makes me look this way. I'm up against a tougher job than old Diogenes.
Take a slant at this: 'Consumption Cured in Three Months. 'Cancer Cured or your Money Back. Catarrh dopes, headache cures, germ-killers, baby-soothers, nerve-builders, the whole stinkin' lot. Don't I know 'em! Either sugar pills that couldn't cure a belly-ache, or hell's-brew of morphine and booze. Certina ain't the worst of 'em, any more than it's the best.
Drop your attack on the Mid and Mud: you've got 'em licked, anyway. Let up on the street railway: I notice you're taking a fall out of them on their overcrowding. Treat the theaters decently: they're entitled to a fair chance for their money. Make friends instead of foes. And go after Elias M. Pierce, to the finish. Do this, and I'll back you with the whole Certina income. Come on, now, Boyee.
And now, gentlemen, we're the Cerebread factory from now on. Keep all your help; we'll need 'em. Go on with Certina till we're sold out; but no more advertising on it. And, all of you, from now on, think, dream, and live Cerebread. Meeting's adjourned." The staff filed out, chattering excitedly. "He'll put it over." "You can't beat the Chief." "Is'n't he a wonder!"
The good ol' stock arguments," said Certina Charley, giggling. "The Chief has taught you the lesson all right. Must be studyin' up to go before a legislative committee. Well, here's the straight of it. Folks keep on buying Certina for the kick there is in it. It's a bracer. And it's a repeater, the best repeater in the trade." "But it must cure lots of them. Look at the testimonials.
He announced it one resplendent fall day, having gone out to Greenvale with that particular object in view, at an hour when he was sure that Hal would be at the office. "Esmé, I'm going to make you a wedding present of Certina," he said. "Never take it, Doctor," she replied, smiling up at him in friendly recognition of what had come to be a subject of stock joke between them. "I'm serious.
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