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Updated: June 12, 2025
If the boy found his business an irksome subject, he would talk about the boy's business. And he did, sounding the Pæan of Policy across the Surtaine mahogany in a hundred variations supported by a thousand instances. But here, also, Hal grew restive. He responded no more willingly to leads on journalism than to encomiums of Certina. Again the affectionate diplomat changed his ground.
I'm looking for an honest doctor." "You fish in muddy waters," commented his acquaintance, glancing up at the Certina Building. "There's something very wrong down in the Twelfth Ward." "Not going in for reform politics, are you?" "This isn't political. Some kind of disease has broken out in O'Farrell's Rookeries." "Delirium tremens," suggested Dr. Elliot.
"But, Dad," queried Hal, with an effort of puzzled reminiscence, "in the old days Certina wasn't a kidney remedy, was it?" "Not specially. It's always been good for the kidneys. Good for everything, for that matter. Besides, the formula's been changed." "Changed? But the formula's the vital thing, isn't it?" "Yes, yes. Of course. Certainly it's the vital thing: certainly.
But they get the brace, and they think they're better, and that helps push the trade, too." "And that's where my money came from," said Hal, half to himself. "It's all in the trade," cried Certina Charley, summoning his powers to a defense. "There's lots that's worse. There's the cocaine dopes for catarrh; they'll send a well man straight to hell in six months.
They say, 'Surtaine of Certina. It should be, 'Certina of Surtaine. There's more to come of Surtaine." His voice dropped to the old, pleading, confidential tone of the itinerant; as if he were beguiling them now to accept the philosophy which he was to set forth. "What is life, my dear friends? Life is a paper-chase.
"You're frank, at any rate. Where's all your glowing idealism now?" "Vanished into mist. All idealism goes that way, doesn't it?" "Not if you back it up with work. You see, Mr. Ellis, I'm something of an idealist myself." "The Certina brand of idealism. Guaranteed under the Pure Thought and Deed Act." "Our money may have been made a little well, blatantly," said Hal, flushing.
You ain't a decent doctor. You're a lying devil. Are you going to help me out?" "If you had come in a proper spirit " "That's enough. I've got my answer." She rose slowly to her feet. "After I found out what was wrong with me, I went home to my father. I didn't tell him about myself. But I told him I was quitting the Certina business. And he told me about my mother, how you sent her to her death.
O'Farrell employs my services: so the pipple have not to pay anything. All the time which I am not at the Certina factory, I am here." "Just so. And no other doctor gets in?" "There is no call. They are quite satisfied." "And is the Board of Health satisfied?" The employee shrugged his shoulders and spread his hands. "How is it you Americans say? 'What he does not know cannot hurt somebody."
But give to its illustrious bearer his familiar title; speak but the words "Certina Charley" within the precincts of the nation's capital and the very asphalt would find a viscid voice wherewith to acclaim the joke, while Senate would answer House, and Department reply to Bureau with the curses of the stung ones. For Mr. Belford Couch was least loved where most laughed at.
"Do the writers of those letters symp-letters, I believe, you call them " he began; "do they seem to get benefit out of the advice returned?" "What advice? To take Certina? Why, yes. Most of 'em come back for more." "You think it good medicine for all that long list of troubles?" The girl's eyes opened wide. "Of course it's a good medicine!" she cried.
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