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Updated: June 12, 2025
"Let me get this straight," said Hal with a white face. "Do I understand that Certina " "Say, wassa matter?" broke in Certina Charley, in concern; "you look sick." "Never mind me. You go on and tell me the truth about this thing." "I guess I been talkin' too much," muttered Certina Charley, dismayed. He gulped down the last of his champagne with a tremulous hand.
Certina Charley was not a testimonial-chaser alone. Had he been, Dr. Surtaine would not have retained him at a generous salary, but would have paid him, as others of his strange species are paid, by the piece; one hundred dollars for a Representative, two hundred and fifty dollars for a Senator, and as high as five hundred for a hero conspicuous in the popular eye.
With considerable dignity for one in his condition, he bade his guest go farther and fare worse, and in mitigation of the latter's Parthian taunt, "Kid-glove fussing, 'bo," called Heaven and earth and the whole café to witness that, abhorrent though self-trumpeting was to him, no man had ever handled more delicately a prickly proposition than he had handled the Certina legislative interests.
"Sit down and cool off. You've let that skunk, McQuiggan, get you all excited." "This began before McQuiggan." "Then you've been talking to some jealous doctor-crank." "For God's sake, Father, answer my plain question." "Why, there's no such thing as an actual cure for Bright's disease." "Don't you say in the advertisements that Certina will cure it?"
"He pays the freight." "Speech!" "Say, Doc," bawled a waggish soul, "I gotta corn, marchin' up here. Will Certina cure it?" And another burst into the final lines of a song then popular; in which he was joined by several of his fellows: "Father, he drinks Seltzer. Redoes, like hell! "Ladies and gentlemen," boomed the wily charlatan.
There sounded in her voice the purring note of utter content which is the subtlest because the most unconscious flattery of womankind. A silence fell between them. Hal stared into the fire. "Are you warm enough?" he asked presently. "Yes." "Do you want something to eat? Or drink? What did you have to drink?" he added, glancing at the empty glass on the table. "Certina."
Certina had found its first modest home in Worthington on a side street. As the business grew, the staid tenement which housed it expanded and drew to itself neighboring buildings, until it eventually gave way to the largest, finest, and most up-to-date office edifice in the city.
"It does mean just that to every poor, silly fool of a girl that reads it. What else can it mean? 'The most obstinate cases' " "Don't! Don't!" There was a pause, then: "Of course, you can't stay in the Certina factory after this." A bitter access of mirth seized the girl. The sound of it "rang cracked and thin, Like a fiend's laughter, heard in Hell, Far down." "Of course!" she mocked.
Like so many persons of the artistic temperament, Certina Charley was subject to periods of relaxation. With him these assumed the phase of strong drink, evenly and rather thickly spread over several days.
William Douglas, one of the leaders of our bar, as all the chairman's hearers well knew, would explain the situation and formulate a plan for the meeting's consideration. Explanation, however, did not prove to be Mr. William Douglas's forte. Coached by that practiced diplomat, Certina Charley, he made a speech memorable chiefly for what it did not say.
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