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Updated: June 3, 2025
Take Vanbrugh; and compare Constant with Sir John Brute. Take Farquhar; and compare Archer with Squire Sullen. Take Congreve; and compare Bellmour with Fondlewife, Careless with Sir Paul Plyant, or Scandal with Foresight.
Not by one, Sir, but by a great many; this was a Cheesemonger they fell out over a Bottle of Brandy, went to Snicker Snee; Mr. Bellmour cut his Throat, and was hang'd for't, that's all, Sir. Bel. And did the young Lady believe this? Ral. Ralph. Bel. So, here's a hopeful Account of my sweet self now. Enter Post-man with Letters. Post. Pray, Sir, which is Sir Feeble Fainwou'd's? Bel.
Cowley was ashamed to advance a direct lie, but she was not ashamed to insinuate a falsehood A Naeuio uel sumpsisti multa, si fateris; uel, si negas surripuisti Cicero. The strictures of our stage historian are entirely apposite and correct. Henry, Don Gasper and Antonia of the Georgian comedy are none other but Bellmour, Sir Feeble, and Leticia.
Because it suits my Fortune and my Humour; And even thy Presence wou'd afflict me now. Phil. Madam, I was sent after you; my Lady Fulbank has challeng'd Sir Feeble at Bowls, and stakes a Ring of fifty Pound against his new Chariot. Let. Tell him I wish him Luck in every thing, But in his Love to me Go tell him I am viewing of the Garden. Phillis. Enter Bellmour at a distance behind her. Bel.
You, Sharp, go seek after Bellmour, watch his Motions, and give us notice. Flaunt. SCENE II. Lord Plotwell's House. Enter Lord Plotwell, Charles, Trusty, and two Servants. Lord. In a Baudy-house, with Whores, Hectors, and Dice! Oh, that I should be so deceiv'd in Mankind, he whom I thought all Virtue and Sobriety!
Mr. Gayman, a Spark of the Town, Lover of Julia, Mr. Betterton. Mr. Bellmour. contracted to Leticia. disguis'd, and passes for Sir Feeble's Nephew, Mr. Kynaston. Mr. Bearjest, Nephew to Sir Cautious, a Fop, Mr. Jevon. Capt. Noisey, his Companion, Mr. Harris. Mr. Bredwel, Prentice to Sir Cautious, and Brother to Leticia, in love with Diana, Mr. Bowman. Rag, Footman to Gayman.
Yes, in my Grave, dear Charles; But I'll excuse that Ceremony here. Char. Good Night, and no Rest to you, Brother. Dia. Till now, my Bellmour, I wanted Opportunity To ask the Cause, why on a joyful Day, When Heav'n has join'd us by a sacred Tie, Thou droop'st like early Flowers with Winter-storms. Bel.
Ay, if there were no more in't than Exercise; if a Man cou'd take a Breathing without breathing a Vein but, Sham, this Wounds, and Blood, sounds terribly in my Ears; but since thou say'st 'tis nothing, prithee do thou meet Bellmour in my stead; thou art a poor Dog, and 'tis no matter if the World were well rid of thee. Sham. I wou'd do't with all my Soul but your Honour, Sir Sir Tim. My Honour!
In the nuptial chamber Bellmour informs Diana that he cannot love her and she quits him maddened with rage and disappointment. Sir Timothy serenades the newly-mated pair and is threatened by Bellmour, whilst Celinda, who has been watching the house, attacks the fop and his fiddlers.
Let. Bel. Is it because thou'st broken all thy Vows? Take to thee Courage, and behold thy Slaughters. Let. Bel. Oh my Leticia! Let. I'm sure I grasp not Air; thou art no Fantom: Thy Arms return not empty to my Bosom, But meet a solid Treasure. Bel. A Treasure thou so easily threw'st away; A Riddle simple Love ne'er understood. Let. Alas, I heard, my Bellmour, thou wert dead. Bel.
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