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Updated: June 29, 2025
"Got to have money to square up bills and take the cuss off'm this town of welchin' on a straight proposition to outsiders who came down here all in good faith after prizes." "Exactly," cried Hiram, glowing. "Didn't I always tell you, boys, that though Cap'n Aaron Sproul might be a little gruff and a bit short, sea-capt'in fashion, he was all right underneath?" There was a mumble of assent.
And he went on breathlessly: "May ev'ry hour of your life seem like a pan of Jersey milk, and may you skim the cream off'm it. Let's be happy, let's be gay, trade with me when I come your way. Tinware shines like the new-ris' sun, twist, braid, needles beat by none; here's your values, cent by cent, and Balm o' Joy lin-i-ment. Trade with "
And if we don't git him, and he knows we're takin' action agin' him, he'll come round and blow our barns up and we ain't so well able to stand the loss as you and Mr. Look be." "Well, if you ain't about the nearest to knot-holes with the rims gone off'm 'em of anything I ever see," declared the Cap'n, with fury, "may I be used for oakum to calk a guano gunlow!"
There ain't anything but a crow will light on your town, and they only do it because the sight of it makes 'em faint." Stimulated because bystanders were listening to the colloquy, Uncle Trufant shook his cane under Cap'n Sproul's nose. "That's what ye be in Smyrna ducks!" he squealed. "You yourself come to your own when ye waddled off'm the deck of a ship and settled there.
"Don't you know enough to understand that I was tryin' to save your lives by ratchin' her off'm this coast?" bellowed Cap'n Sproul. "Just thought you was crazy, and think so now," replied the showman, now fully as furious as the Cap'n each in his own mind accusing the other of being responsible for their present plight. "The place for us is on shore, and we're goin' there!"
"Well, then all at once she wouldn't let me into the house, and she shooed me off'm her front steps like she would a yaller cat, and when I tried to find out about it that young Haskell feller that she's hired to do her chores come over here and told me that he wasn't goin' to stay there much longer, 'cause she had turned witch, and had put a cluck onto the cat when the old hen " "'Tend to cases!
In the distant kitchen Barnaby was singing: "Kick so high I broke my neck, An' fling my right foot off'm my leg Went to work mos' awful quick, An' mended 'em wid er wooden peg." Next morning at nine o'clock sharp the convention was called to order, General John Duff Tolliver in the chair.
"Eliza jist stuck her head out to tell me to shut this trap-door, so's my snorin' won't keep you awake. I fergot all about my snorin'. Like as not if I left this door open the whole danged roof would be lifted right off'm the cabin 'fore I'd been asleep five minutes. Well, good night. I'll call you in the mornin' bright an' early."
"But you mean to invest that fifty thousand sooner or later, don't you?" says I. "Cap'n Bill said I ought to," says he, "and live off'm the interest. He's a mighty smart business man, Cap'n Bill is. And I guess I'll find something before long." "You can't miss it," says I, "specially if you keep on as you've started.
"They're about all named Todd or Ward round here but one, and his name is Todd Ward Brackett, and he's due next. And they're all tryin' to borry money off'm me and sell me spavined hosses. Now, let's see if they can take a hint." He tentatively wriggled the toe some more, and groaned. "The Todds and the Wards better keep away from me."
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