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Updated: May 5, 2025
Joe, surely she'd niver do that," said the skipper in a remonstrative tone. "She means a lawyer," returned Joe, apologetically, "but Maggie niver could spell that word, though I've often tried to teach 'er `Maggie, says I, `you mustn't write liar, but law-yer. "`La! yer jokin', says she.
Mary Ann was his wife. Her maiden name was Riley. She heard him say it. 'Gus, says she, 'if iver I hear iv ye shootin' e'er a king I'll lave ye, she says." "Well, sir, I thought he was jokin', but be hivins, wan day he disappeared, an' lo an' behold, two weeks afther I picks up a pa-aper an' r-reads that me brave Schmitt was took up be th' polis f'r thryin' to cop a monarch fr'm behind a three.
'I was a fool to ask. Be wid him all you can. He's houldin' on to your strength. "'They call ut Locomotus attacks us, he sez, 'bekaze, sez he, 'ut attacks us like a locomotive, if ye know fwhat that manes. An' ut comes, sez he, lookin' at me, 'ut comes from bein' called Love-o'-Women. "'You're jokin', docthor, I sez. "'Jokin'! sez he.
That give me a scarer the wust kind; an' when I told doctor haow things was, he sez, kinder jokin', "'Better git merried right away, then. Parson Dill is tew come an' see the old lady, an' he'll dew both jobs tew oncet. "'Will yeou, Bewlah? sez I. "'Yes, Hiram, to 'blige yeou, sez she.
It's I that wud sooner see the plentiful hearths of ould Ireland, where the turf fire cooks the vittles dacently! Oh wirra! why did we ever lave it? But Mr. Wynn intercepted the rising chorus by the simple dissyllable, 'Andy! 'Sir, yer honour! wheeling round, and suddenly resuming a jocose demeanour; 'I was only jokin' about bein' back.
You should have seen his face of horror, Ralph, when I suggested this: but he came to see that it was his only chance, and told me to set about it as fast as I could; 'for, said he, 'this is no jokin', Jack, I can tell you, and the sooner it's done the better. I soon procured the cordage and a suitable pole, with which I returned to the cave, and lashed him as stiff and straight as an Egyptian mummy; and, to say truth, he was no bad representation of what an English mummy would be, if there were such things, for he was as white as a dead man."
Wetzel's head was bowed; but there was no merriment in the serious face exposed to the borderman's scrutiny. "Lew, you're jokin'." "Not me. Some day, when you're ketched good, an' I have to go back to the lonely trail, as I did afore you an' me become friends, mebbe then, when I'm the last borderman, I'll tell you."
Now the ol' man an' the big maid watched over the girl careful, an' the' wasn't no harm come of it; an' when the mine finally got to handin' out the gilt without jokin' about it, the two pals got to goin' off alone an' thinkin' o' the girl back East. They had four or five miners workin' for 'em by this time, an' they was gettin' the dust in quantities. Finally they got together about it.
"Father, you're a worthy only your Cothamore's too scimpt for me. Faith, mother, although you think I'm jokin', the devil a one o' me is; a pleasanter night a happier night I never spent. Father, you ought to be proud o' me, an' stretch out a bit with the cash; faith, I'm nothin' else than a fine handsome young fellow."
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