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Updated: June 17, 2025
"I guess about fifty per cent will about do for the present," says the man. "Can you fix me up?" "Sure," the Legislature agrees. "Give us somethin', 'New York City Is Pie for the Hayseeds, try harder, don't be bashful. We'll take off sixty per. cent. if you wish. That's what we're here for."
Stephen sometimes went round with the car which delivered the evening milk and these chilly drives blew away his memory of the filth of the cowyard and he felt no repugnance at seeing the cow hairs and hayseeds on the milkman's coat.
"Oh, there's plenty of wheat," answered Gretry, easily. "Wait till we get dollar wheat if we do and see it come out. The farmers haven't sold it all yet. There's always an army of ancient hayseeds who have the stuff tucked away in old stockings, I guess and who'll dump it on you all right if you pay enough. There's plenty of wheat. I've seen it happen before.
Many of them in Benton." "Indeed? Or in North Platte!" I bantered. "North Platte!" She laughed merrily. "Dear me, don't mention North Platte not in the same breath with Benton, or even Cheyenne. A town of hayseeds and dollar-a-day clerks whose height of sport is to go fishing in the Platte! A young man like you would die of ennui in North Platte. Julesburg was a good town while it lasted.
As he started for the cabin in quest of more cartridges he came into collision with White hurrying on deck. "What is the matter?" inquired the latter, as soon as he regained the breath thus knocked out of him. "Oh, nothing at sill," replied Cabot, with ironical calmness, "only we've been played for a couple of hayseeds by a wooden-faced young heathen who don't know enough to go in when it rains.
"I don't know what she's stayin' with that feller Crewe for," the farmer remarked; "of all the etarnal darn idiots why, Brush Bascom and that Botcher and the rest of 'em are trailin' him along and usin' him for the best thing that ever came down here. He sets up to be a practical man, and don't know as much as some of us hayseeds in the back seats. Where be you goin'?"
The bullying, raw-boned young Prussian was extricated with great difficulty and somewhat battered. His mouth, eyes, nostrils and ears were choked with the hayseeds and he spluttered, coughed and yelled in a terrifying manner. But he who a minute before had been so ready with gibes at our expense was now jeered at by his comrades, in which our guards joined boisterously.
"I see that the farmers all over the country are planting wheat as they've never planted it before. Great Scott, J., you're fighting against the earth itself." "Well, we'll fight it, then. I'll stop those hayseeds. What do I own all these newspapers and trade journals for? We'll begin sending out reports to-morrow that'll discourage any big wheat planting."
Now, some of these Republican hayseeds are talkin' about makin' the liquor tax $1500, or even $2000 a year. That would mean the suicide of half of the liquor dealers in the city. Just see how these poor fellows are oppressed all around!
"See here, Hobbs," said King, stopping short, "I'm damned if I'll let you lecture me as if I were a gang of hayseeds from Oklahoma." "Very good, sir. No offence. I quite forgot, sir." "Just tell me don't lecture."
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