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Updated: June 23, 2025
Josiah come home from Jonesville one day, all wrought up. He'd took off a big crate of eggs and got returns from several crates he'd sent to New York, an' he sez to me: "That consarned Middleman is cheatin' me the worst kind. I know the yaller Plymouth Rock eggs ort to bring mor'n the white Leghorns; they're bigger and it stands to reason they're worth more, and he don't give nigh so much.
But, as I'd undertakken the thing, I was determined to go through with it to th' best o' my ability; an' I have confidence now that we shall be able to feight through th' bad time wi' summat like satisfaction, so far as this job's consarned, though it's next to impossible to please everybody, do what one will. But come wi' me down this road. I've some men agate o' cuttin' a main sewer.
When Miss Vancourt is here, all you have to do is to go over every item of her property with her, and see that she finds it all right. If anything is missing, it's not your fault." "If anythink's missing," echoed Mrs. Spruce in sepulchral tones, "then the Lord knows what we'll do, for it'll be all over, so far as we're consarned! Beggars in the street'll be kings to us.
Then with shoulders more erect and eyes calmer than they had been for many months, she continued: "And I'm going again the next day, and the next. Billy, you and I've got a grandson a splendid, fair, strong boy, and " "What!" snapped old Billy. "A grandson! I got a grandson, an' no person told me afore? Not even that there sneak Sam, cuss him! He always was too consarned mean to live. A grandson?
Since that affair, I have bin goin' about "doin' good," frightnin' the wicked into fits, and follerin' in the steps of the parsen, and thus working my way out of Purgatory. Relatives and nabors, Thinkin' you'll, like to know whether I'd bin roastin' in brimstone, along with Solomen and Lot's wife, and that you might feel consarned to know sumthin' about my further adventers, I'll continoo.
But Billy had him under thorough control, quiet enough to eat out of his hand. And when Billy pulled off the saddle he remarked casually to the astonished officers who had expected an inquest over him, "Out in my country that hoss would cut no figure, for out there we can ride anything with legs under it, even if it is a consarned centipede."
Well, says I, I know folks are plaguilly consarned about it, but what do you call "folks smashin their consarns?" Father he larfed out like any thing; I thought he never would stop and sister Sall got right up and walked out of the room, as mad as a hatter. Says she, Sam, I do believe you are a born fool, I vow. When father had done larfin, says he, I'll tell you, Sam, how it was.
I'm consarned sorry for the family over on the island; ain't you, neighbor? Yes, you; I ask you, Mr. Jay Bird, singing and chattering to yourself on the willows. How are you?" "Pretty well, I thank you," replied a stoop-shouldered pedestrian, who, drawing near, had recognized the voice without distinctly seeing the person of Byle. "How are you?" "I was talking to that other jay, Mr.
Oh, God help you, and forgive you, and turn your heart!" "God help me, and forgive me, and turn my heart! but not so far as he is consarned. I neither wish it, nor pray for it, and what's more, if you were fifty priests, I never will. Let us drop this subject, then, for so long as we talk of him, I feel as if the blood in my ould veins was all turned into fire."
I thought that 'ere Quincy granite was so amazin' strong all natur' wouldn't break it. 'Why you foolish critter, says he, 'it ain't the buildin' that's broke, it's the consarn that's smashed. 'Well, says I, 'I know folks are plaguilly consarned about it, but what do you call folks' "smashin' their consarns"? Father, he larfed out like anything; I thought he never would stop; and sister Sall got right up and walked out of the room, as mad as a hatter.
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