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Updated: June 16, 2025
Another pseudobard has announced his intention very shortly of issuing from the press, a work which he conceives will be more saleable and a greater favourite with the public, in which he intends ironically to combat the doctrine of the Trinity, by gravely resembling it to the Deity taking snuff between two looking glasses, so that when he sneezes, two resemblances of him are seen to sneeze also, and yet that there are not three sneezers, but one sneezer.
I was stunned and drowning, a chaos of wreck was beneath me and around me and above me, and blue, agonised, gasping faces and struggling arms, and colourless clutching hands, and despairing yells for help, where help was impossible; when I felt a sharp bite on the neck, and breathed again. My Newfoundland dog, Sneezer, had snatched at me, and dragged me out of the eddy of the sinking vessel.
What between city missionaries, an' Sunday-schools, an' penny banks, an cheap wittles, and grannies like this here old sneezer, it's hardly possible for a young feller to go wrong, even if he was to try. Yes, I've bin an' saved enough to give me a veek's 'oliday, so I'm goin' to 'ave my 'oliday in the north. My 'ealth requires it."
Possit was the Church of England parson at Charlestown, at the time, and a terrible powerful man he was a real sneezer, and as ACTIVE as a weasel. Well, the boxer met him one day, a little way out of town, a-takin' of his evenin' walk, and said he, "Parson," says he, "they say you are a most a plaguy strong man and uncommon stiff too."
"He ought to want to come back to see Mammy June," declared Russ warmly. "I think she is just fine." "So do I," admitted Rose reflectively. "But I wouldn't want to be called by such a name as Sneezer." It was when they got back to the big house and around to its front that the two oldest little Bunkers became aware that something was happening down by the road.
"If he comes back he'll see and read 'em." "No. No, sir! He may see 'em," said Mammy June, shaking her head on the pillow. "But he won't read 'em." "Why won't he?" Russ demanded in some heat. "I wrote them just as plain as plain!" "But," said Mammy June, still sadly, "you see, my Sneezer never learnt to read hand-writin'!"
Mangrove and the patron were also paralysed with fear, and the others did not see it; so Sneezer was the only creature amongst us, aware of the danger, who seemed to have his wits about him, for the instant he noticed it, he calmly lifted his nose off the table, and gave a short startled bark, and then crouched and drew himself back as if in the act to spring, glancing his eyes from the monstrous jaws to my face, and nuzzling and whining with a laughing expression, and giving a small yelp now and then, and again riveting his eyes with intense earnestness on the alligator, telling me as plainly as if he had spoken it "If you choose, master, I will attack it, as in duty bound, but really such a customer is not at all in my way."
"Sauve qui peut" was now the cry; and Sneezer, quite in his element, began to cruise all about, threatening the tapers with instant extinction. "Ladies, get through the holes," shouted Don Ricardo. "Captain, get you out first." "Can't desert my ship," said the gallant fellow; "the last to quit where danger is, my dear sir. It is my charter; but, Mr Cringle, go you, and hand the ladies out."
He was a very loud and powerful sneezer at any time, and he had tried so hard to hold in this sneeze that when it suddenly exploded the result was terrible. The paper dolls were mowed down by dozens, and flew and fluttered in wild confusion in every direction, tumbling this way and that and getting more or less wrinkled and bent.
As Hans was NOT there, Voost could afford to scout the insinuation. "Who cares for HIM, little sneezer? I'd fight a dozen like him any day, and you in the bargain." "You would, would you? I'd like to catch you all at it," and, by way of proving his words, the sneezer skated off at the top of his speed.
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