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Updated: June 24, 2025
Lord love you, Stanley Orth'ris, but you're a bigger bloomin' fool than the rest o' the reg'ment and Mulvaney wired together! There's the Widder sittin' at 'Ome with a gold crownd on 'er 'ead; and 'ere am Hi, Stanley Orth'ris, the Widder's property, a rottin' FOOL!" His voice rose at the end of the sentence, and he wound up with a six-shot Anglo-Vernacular oath.
"No, we wouldn't, Sir. We can march with the Reg'ment anywheres p'rade an' anywhere else," said Jakin. "If Tom Kidd goes 'e'll shut up like a clasp-knife," said Lew. "Tom 'as very-close veins in both 'is legs, Sir." "Very how much?" "Very-close veins, Sir. That's why they swells after long p'rade, Sir. If 'e can go, we can go, Sir." Again the Colonel looked at them long and intently.
He ses sech hollerin' he never see." "Hasbrouck? He's th' best off'cer in this here reg'ment. He's a whale." "Didn't I tell yeh we'd come aroun' in behint 'em? Didn't I tell yeh so? We " "Oh, shet yeh mouth!" For a time this pursuing recollection of the tattered man took all elation from the youth's veins. He saw his vivid error, and he was afraid that it would stand before him all his life.
Says I to 'im, 'Colonel, says I, 'let me go the Front, along o' the Reg'ment. 'To the Front you shall go, says 'e, 'an' I only wish there was more like you among the dirty little devils that bang the bloomin' drums. Kidd, if you throw your 'coutrements at me for tellin' you the truth to your own advantage, your legs 'll swell."
I never see sech fightin'. Awful time. I don't see how I could 'a got separated from th' reg'ment. I got shot, too." His friend had stepped forward quickly. "What? Got shot? Why didn't yeh say so first? Poor ol' boy, we must hol' on a minnit; what am I doin'. I'll call Simpson." Another figure at that moment loomed in the gloom. They could see that it was the corporal.
He strolled forth and whistled in the clump of trees at the back of the Married Quarters till Cris came to him, and, the preliminary kisses being given and taken, Lew began to explain the situation. "I'm goin' to the Front with the Reg'ment," he said valiantly. "Piggy, you're a little liar," said Cris, but her heart misgave her, for Lew was not in the habit of lying.
I know what I mint to be at the beginnin' av my service. I've tould you time an' again, an' what I have not Dinah Shadd has. An' what am I? Oh, Mary Mother av Hiven, an ould dhrunken, untrustable baste av a privit that has seen the reg'ment change out from colonel to drummer-boy, not wanst or twice, but scores av times! Ay, scores! An' me not so near gettin' promotion as in the first!
I saw Hannises' batt'ry off on th' left not more'n fifteen minutes ago." "Well " "Th' general, he ses he is goin' t' take th' hull command of th' 304th when we go inteh action, an' then he ses we'll do sech fightin' as never another one reg'ment done." "They say we're catchin' it over on th' left. They say th' enemy driv' our line inteh a devil of a swamp an' took Hannises' batt'ry."
"Liar yourself, Cris," said Lew, slipping an arm round her. "I'm goin'. When the Reg'ment marches out you'll see me with 'em, all galliant and gay. Give us another kiss, Cris, on the strength of it." "If you'd on'y a-stayed at the Depot where you ought to ha' bin you could get as many of 'em as as you dam please," whimpered Cris, putting up her mouth. "It's 'ard, Cris.
He thought he must hasten to produce his tale to protect him from the missiles already at the lips of his redoubtable comrades. So, staggering before the loud soldier, he began: "Yes, yes. I've I've had an awful time. I've been all over. Way over on th' right. Ter'ble fightin' over there. I had an awful time. I got separated from th' reg'ment. Over on th' right, I got shot. In th' head.
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