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Mussy on us, you ought to put all wot you say in the papers you'd make your fortin!" "Maybe, maybe, Flopsie," returned Briggs with due dignity. "I will not deny that there may be wot is called 'sparkle' in my natur. And 'sparkle' is wot is rekwired in polite literatoor. Look at 'Hedmund' and ''Enery! Sparkle again, read their magnificent productions, the World and Truth, all sparkle, every line!
"Pull out that table, Mack; and you, there, bear a 'and to 'elp 'im, 'Enery. Set hup the little chair, Williams! Easy with Saint Paul, you, Tommy, or you'll crack him sure and lay the whole caboodlum on the shelf, hout of 'arm's way! Lively, lads lively!" Bob lifted Daisy in his arms, and carrying her to the table, installed her comfortably in the little chair.
Merci, mes braves, mes bloomin' 'eroes ... mes noble warriors, merci. Snapper, strike up the 'Conkerin' 'Ero, if you please." Before the time came to go he added to his make-up by marking on his face with a burnt stick huge black mustachios and an imperial, and although the officer stared a little when he came along he ended by laughing, and leaving 'Enery his "make-up" disguise.
'Enery stayed a moment even then to spread his hands and raise his shoulders ear-high in a magnificent stage shrug; but a bullet snatched the cap from his head, and 'Enery ducked hastily, turned, and ran his hardest, with the bullets snapping at his heels. Back in the trench a frantic French captain was raving at the telephone, whirling the handle round, screaming for "Fire, fire, fire!"
"I 'fought I offered you to make yourself a cigarette, 'Enery," observed the astounded owner of the materia nicotina. "I grabbed for to make myself a cigarette, Willyerm," was the pedantically correct restatement of Henry.
'It's been a great do, Snapper, said Private 'Enery Irving some days after, as the battalion tramped along the road towards 'reserve billets. 'An' I 'aven't enjoyed myself so much for months. Didn't it rag 'em beautiful, an' won't we fair stagger the 'ouse at the next sing-sing o' the brigade?
Yus, you flat-footed matlot not even a blasted tiffy you ain't, and you buys a blighted baccy-pouch and yaller baccy and fag-pipers, like a Snottie, an' reckons you's on the 'igh road to be a bloomin' Winnie Lloyd Gorgeous Orficer. 'And 'em 'ere fore I'm sick. Lootenant, Gunnery Jack, Number One, Commerdore!" "Parding me, 'Enery Smiff," returned William Jones with quiet dignity.
But the enemy immediately concerned, to wit His Majesty's Regiment of Tower Bridge Foot, were most obviously not impressed with fear and trembling. Impressed they certainly were. Their applause rose in a gale of clappings and cries and shouts. They were impressed, and Private 'Enery Irving, clapping his hands sore and stamping his feet in the trench-bottom, voiced the impression exactly.
Yet if it is indeed the Fourth Centenary Or Jubilee the Ninth since holy 'ENERY Became the founder of a Royal College Well, Mr. Punch prefers to have no knowledge. He only does not know has never known a More worthy toast than "Floreat Etona!" KNIGHTS-ERRANT of earth's earlier days, Might learn from WILHELM KAISER. They risked their lives in Paynim frays, We moderns have grown wiser.
Habitual criminals even began, after a while, to express a fervent hope, as assizes approached, they might be tried by old Gildersleeve: "Gilly," they said, "gave a cove a chance": he wasn't "one of these 'ere reg'lar 'anging judges, like Sir 'Enery Atkins."
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