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Here's where I was born here's where the limbs that's now stiff an' feeble was wanst young and active here's where the hair that's white as snow was fair an' curlin' like goold here's where I was young here's where I grew ould among these dark hills and green fields here you all know is where I was born; and, in spite o' you all, here's where I'll die."
But afterward he let out: "'Twas like this: I chained the monk to a shtick in me yard, and the coal thrains do be passin' all day foreninst, and on iv'ry cairr do be a brakeman. In one waik, begorra, I had two tons of coal in me cellar, and the monk never wanst hit."
Why, sir, barrin a word dhropped here and there, you'd think it was in an Orange Lodge you were, if you happened to step in on one of those societies while engaged in celebrating, as they call it, the anniversary of their pathron Saint; for it's nothin you'd hear but 'Rule Britannia, 'The Red, White and Blue, and kindhered sintiments, and if a chap did happen to give 'The harp that wanst, why, its the sweet, soft air they'd be admirin, and the poethry of Tom Moore, rather than the low wail for vingeance that was smothered in the heart of the song itself.
Now, Moike, if any of these things I've been tellin' you of happens to your cookin', you'll know where to put the blame. Don't say, 'I wasn't made to cook, I guess'. That's what I wanst heard a silly say when she'd burnt the dinner. But jist understand that your wits must have been off a piece, and kape 'em by you nixt toime. But what's that n'ise?" She stepped to the door.
"Well, to be sure, they all stapt eating at wanst, and began to stare at me, and faith they almost looked me out of countenance, and I thought to myself, it was not good manners at all, more betoken from furriners which they call so mighty p'lite; but I never minded that, in regard o' wantin' the gridiron; and so says I, 'I beg your pardon, says I, 'for the liberty I take, but it's only bein' in disthress in regard of eating, says I, 'that I made bowld to throuble yez, and if you could lind me the loan of a gridiron, says I, 'I'd be entirely obleeged to ye.
Och, Christmas comes but wanst a year, An' Christmas comes but waust a year; Wid han' in han', An' can to can, Then Hi for the whiskey, ale, and beer. Och, Christmas comes but wanst a year, An' Christmas comes but wanst a year; Then the high and the low Shall shake their toe, When primed wid whiskey, ale, an' beer.
'Cap, ye're guilty, an' ye know it, he says. 'Th' decision iv th' coort is that ye be put in a cage, an' sint to th' Divvle's own island f'r th' r-rest iv ye'er life, he says. 'Let us pro-ceed to hearin' th' tistimony, he says. 'Call all th' witnesses at wanst, he says, 'an' lave thim have it out on th' flure, he says.
"Are you sellin' what you've got as well as you know how?" "I am, mother." "Well, if you are, be sure Mr. Farnham knows it, and, by the same token, he'd be knowin' it if you was gapin' in the customers' faces or hummin' or whistlin' soft like while you waited on 'em. Mr. Wall had a clerk wanst that done that way. I've seen him. And, by the same token, he ain't got him now.
"No, your honor, I was one wanst; but the moment we take to this way of life we mustn't belong to any religion, otherwise we couldn't tell the future." "Sell yourself to the devil, eh?" "Oh, no, sir; but " "But what? Out with it." "I can't, sir; if I did, I never could tell a fortune agin." "Well well; come up; I have taken a fancy that you shall tell my daughter's for all that."
They wanted me to attind on Micksheen, but I sed no, an' so they've hired a darky in a uniform to luk after him. An' wanst a day Anne is goin' to march up to the show in a different dhress, an' luk in at Micksheen." At this point Judy's demureness gave way and she laughed till the tears came. The others could not but join. "Well, that's the top of the hill," said Mrs. Everard.
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