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Updated: June 18, 2025
I've pompied him, cooked the very best of vittles, argued with him, eppisoded, but all to no use, he's as sot as a hen turkey on a brick bat, and I've got to the end of my chain." Sez Tirzah Ann, "Have you tried readin' historical novels to him?" "No," sez I, "I don't dast to be too hash with him, your pa's health hain't what it wuz, I dassent take too hash measures."
"Quick-in here!" she said, and, opening a door, pushed him inside. "Lie down on my bed, and I'll bring you vittles as quick as I can," she added. Then she shut the door, turned to the ironing-board, and took up the iron, as the figure of a man darkened the doorway. "Hello, Jinny, fixin' up for to-morrow?" the man said, stepping inside, with a rifle under his arm and some pigeons in his hand.
It is a firm and glitterin' one as I ever see. Anyway, she put a damper onto that cook, and turns it jest when she is a mind to to the benefit of her boarders; for better vittles wuz never cooked than Miss Plank furnishes her boarders at moderate rates and the comforts of a home, as advertisements say. Her house wuz kep clean and sweet too, which wuz indeed a boon.
And though Josiah squirmed some when I told him Lodema wuz approachin' and would be there that very night or the next day still the cloud wore away and melted off in the glowin' mellowness of the hot tea and cream, the delicious oysters and other good things. My pardner, though, as he often says, is not a epicack, still he duz enjoy good vittles dretful well and appreciates 'em.
How true it is that if a female woman keeps dressed up slick, piles of extra good cookin' on hand, and her house oncommon clean, and she sets down in a rockin' chair, lookin' down the road for company. She a-layin' out to cook up some vittles to put on to her empty shelves when she goes into the house, she not a-dreamin' of company at that time of day. They come!
And as for them five skeins, when te come tew, there'd be plenty o' ways of gettin' out of it, and likeliest, he'd ha' forgot about it. Well, so they were married. An' for 'leven months the gal had all the vittles she liked to ate, and all the gownds she liked to git, and all the cumpny she liked to have.
Rise, my son, an' eat, as the wise king recommended, sayin', 'Stay me wi' flagons, comfort me wi' yapples, for I be sick o' love. A wise word that." "Shall a man be poured out like water," inquired Uncle Issy, "an' turn from his vittles, an' pass his prime i' blowin' his nose, an' all for a woman?" "I wasn' blowin' my nose," objected Zeb, shortly.
I help out round Gafford's liver' stable, and Pete Gafford he lets me sleep in a little room behind the feed room, and his wife she gives me my vittles. Oncet in a while I git a chancet to do odd jobs fur folks round town cuttin' weeds and splittin' stove wood and packin' in coal, and sech ez that." "Not much money in it, is there?" "No, suh; not much.
"Noo, that ain't," says he. An' he twirled his tail harder, an' awa' he flew. Well, when har husban' he come in, there was the five skeins riddy for him. "I see I shorn't hev for to kill you to-night, me dare," says he. "You'll hev yar vittles and yar flax in the mornin'," says he, an' away he goes.
"He'll do what I say," says Miss Dorothy, "and if I say she's to stay, she will stay, and I say she's to stay!" And so mother and Nolan, and me, found a home. Mother was scared at first not being used to kind people but she was so gentle and loving, that the grooms got fonder of her than of me, and tried to make me jealous by patting of her, and giving her the pick of the vittles.
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