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Updated: May 23, 2025
"An' there ye ar-re. Two opinions." "I see on'y wan," said Mr. Hennessy. "What do ye raaly think?" "I think," said Mr. Dooley, "if people wanted to be divoorced I'd let thim, but I'd give th' parents into th' custody iv th' childher. They'd larn thim to behave." "Hogan has been in here this afthernoon, an' I've heerd more scandal talked thin I iver thought was in the wurrld."
Th' horses will kick an' bite, the dogs will fly at our throats whin we lick thim, th' fishes will refuse to be caught, th' cattle an' pigs will set fire to th' stock yards an' there'll be a gineral rebellyon against th' white man. "It's no laughin' matther, I tell ye. A subjick race is on'y funny whin it's raaly subjick. About three years ago I stopped laughin' at Jap'nese jokes.
Ay, and if it wasn't that the Church is too liberal entirely, so she is, it 'ud cost his heirs and succissors betther nor ten pounds to have him out as soon as the other. Get along, man, and take half a year at dogmatical theology: go and read your Dens, you poor dunce, you!" "Raaly," says the Pope, "you're making the heretic shoes too hot to hould me.
An Indian is a poor mean thing at the bist, an' their squaws kah! they are the dirtiest beasts that iver jabbered human lingo; an' their babies, I raaly belaves, is caught with a hook an' line in the muddy creeks where the catfish breed; but, fur all that, I don't think they could have been equal to this piece of wickedness. May the divil git howld of his soul.
But, see here, if you raaly are goin' to fire take good aim an' keep clear o' the heart and liver. I know the exact spot, for I've had the cuttin' up of a good bunch o' men in my day, an' I can't bear to see a thing muddled. But hold on, Silas, I won't put ye to the pain o' shootin' me. I'll shut the window if you'll make me a promise."
"You may believe them this time," said I, "for you certainly did sing a song. The air was very fine, and I have no doubt the words were equally so, if we could only have understood them." "Well thin," replied he, "but I niver heard more than that; and if I raaly did sing, I may as well tell yee's how it happint.
Why don't ye off wid it, man?" "It's moine, dev yez say?" asked Barney, appealing to the speaker. "Sartinly; you killed him. It's your'n by right." "An' it is raaly worth fifty dollars?" "Good as wheat for that." "Would yez be so frindly, thin, as to cut it aff for me?"
It was raaly a brillyant shot. A foot nearer th' ball an' he might have accomplished a feat in golufing histhry. But th' luck iv war was against him an' he sthruck himsilf upon th' ankle. Th' prisidint, resolvin' to give him no mercy, took his dhriver an' made a sterling carry to within thirty yards iv th' green. There was now nawthin' to it.
"D'ye raaly think so, Muster Fred?" said his companion in deep anxiety. "I do. I know Tom Brixton well, and when he is in this mood nothing will move him. But, come, I must go to the prison and talk with him." Fred's talk, however, was not more effective than that of his friend had been.
And I'm sure I'm ready, and aint at all afeared, no how. I only did want to say that, if the thing takes wind, as how it raaly stood, it spiles all my calkilations. I couldn't 'stablish a consarn here, I guess, for a nation long spell of time after." "And what then? where's your calculations? Get the young fellow clear, and what will his friends do for you? Think of that, Bunce.
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