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Updated: June 1, 2025
I was ready to fly into a rage with any one who had come into my room that day, but with Pasinkov I could never be angry. Quite the contrary; in spite of the sorrow devouring me, I was inwardly rejoiced at his coming, and I nodded to him.
I feel ashamed to this day as I recall all the arrogance there was in the very sound of my voice.... Pasinkov softly raised his small but expressive eyes and looked at me. 'Yes, he answered; 'do you? 'I should hope so! I retorted, feeling insulted at the question, and I was about to go on my way, but something held me back.
He served in the civil service. 'What a strange thing! I thought. Meanwhile we had reached the tavern, and Elisei ran on in front to announce me. During the first years of our separation, Pasinkov and I had written to each other pretty often, but his last letter had reached me four years before, and since then I had heard nothing of him.
Sobakevitch's peasant that's dreaming. Ugh!... Almost till morning Pasinkov wandered in delirium; at last he gradually grew quieter, sank back on the pillow, and dozed off. I went back into my room. Worn out by the cruel night, I slept soundly. Elisei again waked me. 'Ah, sir! he said in a shaking voice, 'I do believe Yakov Ivanitch is dying.... I ran in to Pasinkov. He was lying motionless.
'What's this? is it true? ... he asked me. 'You read another man's letter? I had not the strength to answer, but I nodded in assent. Pasinkov went to the window, and standing with his back to me, said slowly: 'You read a letter from a girl to Asanov. Who was the girl? 'Sophia Zlotnitsky, I answered, as a prisoner on his trial answers the judge. For a long while Pasinkov did not utter a word.
They live in the country, in province. I've never seen them, though I have been through their parts. 'And have they any children? 'I think so.... By the way, Pasinkov?... I began questioningly. He glanced at me. 'Confess do you remember, you were unwilling to answer my question at the time did you tell her I cared for her?
In the course of the walk she several times went up to Pasinkov, and said to him, 'Yakov Ivanitch, I want to tell you something, but what she wanted to tell him remained unknown. But it's high time for me to get back to my story. I was glad to see Pasinkov; but when I recalled what I had done the day before, I felt unutterably ashamed, and I hurriedly turned away to the wall again.
I looked at Pasinkov; his eyes, fastened, as it were, on the distance, shone with feverish brilliance. 'I loved her, he went on, 'I loved her, her, calm, true, unapproachable, incorruptible; when she went away, I was almost mad with grief.... Since then I have never cared for any one.... And suddenly turning, he pressed his face into the pillow, and began quietly weeping.
From that time forth, one had only to allude to this incident before Varvara, and she would go off into peals of laughter at once, and look at Pasinkov, as though anything cleverer than his behaviour on that occasion it was impossible to conceive. Pasinkov was very fond of music.
In one of them, the first one from Siberia, Pasinkov called Masha his best friend, promised to send her the money for the journey to Siberia, and ended with the following words 'I kiss your pretty little hands; the girls here have not hands like yours; and their heads are no match for yours, nor their hearts either.... Read the books I gave you, and think of me, and I'll not forget you.
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