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Updated: May 1, 2025
What is the use of man's appreciation? What pains me, what wounds me, is that such a man, with such a loving and devoted heart, is dead without having once known the bliss of love returned, without having awakened interest in one woman's heart worthy of him!... Such as I may well know nothing of such happiness; we don't deserve it; but Pasinkov!... And yet haven't I met thousands of men in my life, who could not compare with him in any respect, who were loved?
Elisei simply made a gesture with his hand, and turned away. Having dismissed my driver, and rapidly moved my things into the next room, I went to see whether Pasinkov was asleep. At the door I ran up against a tall man, very fat and heavily built.
It was a bitter blow for Pasinkov, and his sufferings were particularly severe on the day of the young people's first visit.
This man, of Kalmuck extraction, and hideous, even savage appearance, but the kindest-hearted creature and by no means a fool, was passionately devoted to Pasinkov, and had been his servant for ten years. 'Is Yakov Ivanitch quite well? I asked him. Elisei turned his dusky, yellow little face to me. 'Ah, sir, he's in a poor way ... in a poor way, sir!
Sophia did not like the kisses and such demonstrations, with which forfeits are often paid, while Varvara used to be cross if she had to look for anything or guess something. The young ladies giggled incessantly laughter seemed to bubble up by some magic in them, I sometimes felt positively irritated as I looked at them, but Pasinkov only smiled and shook his head.
I did not, of course, try to controvert this. Towards the evening, Pasinkov, contrary to my expectations, seemed better. He asked Elisei to set the samovar, announced that he was going to regale me with tea, and drink a small cup himself, and he was noticeably more cheerful.
But already I felt no shame at my ignorance and his superiority to me. From that day, from the very hour of our reading together in the garden, in the shade of the lilac-bush, I loved Pasinkov with my whole soul, I attached myself to him and fell completely under his sway. I have a vivid recollection of his appearance in those days. He changed very little, however, later on.
'I told her everything, the whole truth.... I always told her the truth. To be hypocritical with her would have been a sin! Pasinkov was silent for a while. 'Come, tell me, he began again: 'did you soon get over caring for her, or not? 'Not very soon, but I got over it. What's the good of sighing in vain? Pasinkov turned over, facing me.
After a few days, during which I noticed that Pasinkov was in very low spirits, I made up my mind at last to go to the Zlotnitskys'. What I felt, as I stepped into their drawing-room, it would be difficult to convey in words; I remember that I could hardly distinguish the persons in the room, and my voice failed me.
'What is it you are reading of Schiller? I asked, with the same haughty insolence. 'At this moment I am reading "Resignation," a beautiful poem. Would you like me to read it to you? Come and sit here by me on the bench. I hesitated a little, but I sat down. Pasinkov began reading. He knew German far better than I did. He had to explain the meaning of several lines for me.
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