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Updated: June 19, 2025
"Presintly the Arm'rer Sargint comes in stiffin' an' crackin' on, not pleased wid any wan, bekaze the Martini-Henry bein' new to the rig'mint in those days we used to play the mischief wid her arrangemints. 'Twas a long time before I cud get out av the way av thryin' to pull back the back-sight an' turnin' her over afther firin' as if she was a Snider.
I draw what is before me, and I can't go wrong. Now, you may call it crackin' and braggin', and all that sort of a thing, if you please, but I must say, I allot that I look, sit, walk, stand, eat, drink, smoke, think, and talk, aye, and brag too, like a Yankee clockmaker, don't you? Yes, there is a decided and manifest improvement in the appearance of this province.
And here's a funny thing tae me. Do they no see I'm crackin' a joke against masel'? And do they think I'd be doing that if I were close the way they're thinkin' I am? Aye, but there's a serious side tae all this talk o' ma being sae close. D'ye ken hoo many pleas for siller I get each and every day o' ma life? I could be handin' it out frae morn till nicht!
I stuid up an' lookit in at the bolie winda, juist abune whaur the skeels sit, an' here was Sandy an' his cronies a' busy crackin' an' smokin', an enjoyin' themselves i' the middle o' a great steer o' reek an' noise. Juist as I lookit in, Bandy Wobster said something to Dauvid Kenawee, an' Dauvid raise, an' takin' his pipe oot o' his moo, says, "Order! I pirpose Mester Wobster to the chair."
But he took to suckin' eggs, and began to steal eggs at my neighbors' barns and hen-houses. He would fetch home eggs without crackin' the shells, and hold 'em in his mouth so cunning you wouldn't know he had anything there. He used to bury them eggs in the garden and all about. "Of course that made trouble with the neighbors.
Ever' night he used to set on the floor an' fool with them things, a-fittin' 'em here an' crackin' 'em off there, but I never paid no 'tention to him. One night, when I come in from Mrs. Eichorn's, what did I see on the floor but a sure-'nough tombstun-slab, an' spelt out in little blue tiles down the middle was: "'Pa. Gone, but not forgotten.
We blowed with the belluses, 'n' we stuffed in paper 'n' pitch-pine kindlin's, but nothin' could make that fire burn; 'n' all the time the folks kep' comin', as if they'd never stop, 'n' nothin' for 'em but empty dishes, 'n' all the borrowed chaney slippin' round on the waiters 'n' chippin' 'n' crackin', I would n' go through what I been through t'-night for all th' money in th' Bank, I do believe it's harder t' have a party than t'"
"They must be sound sleepers," whispered Emily, after a moment. "They must be dead," declared Thankful. "There's been smashin' and crackin' and hollerin' enough to wake up anybody that wa'n't buried. How that wind does blow! I Hello! here comes that man at last. About time, I should say!" Winnie S. appeared, bearing the lantern. "What you doin'?" he asked. "There ain't no use ringin' that bell.
We wos a-thinkin' of crackin' another crib next week as yer might ha' heered ov in yer time well, to bust out with it straight and candid, it's yer own crib as used to be w'en yer wos alive; but, yer see, bein' as how ye're dead now and it ain't o' no more good to yer there's a nice little lot of old plate as you've got there as we sho'd be proud to 'andle. The on'y thing is "
It canna be the rory-bories, as Alec ca's them. It's ower blue. It's oot. It's in agin. It's no canny. And, preserves a'! it's crackin' as weel," cried Mary, as the subdued sound of a far-off explosion reached her. This was of course no other than the roar of Curly's gun in the act of bursting and vanishing; for neither stock, lock, nor barrel was ever seen again.
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