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Updated: June 5, 2025
"Well, sure enough, the most of us was wid the last speaker, so, instead of cardin' the sick procthor before his own family, we tied and gagged him so as that he neither spoke nor budged, and afther clappin' a guard upon the family for an hour or two, we put him on horseback and brought him up to where the grave was made.
Up wi' him to the tap o' the poll!" Bandy cam' doon wi' his tackety buit on the boddom o' the butter kit, an' in it gaed, an' him wi't, an' there he was, clappin' his hands, an' stanin' juist like's he'd on a wid crinoline. You never heard sic a roostin' an' roarin' an' hear-hearin' an' hurrain'! I had to shut my een for fear o' bein' knokit deaf a'thegither.
Mallory ain't one to be stumped as easy as that. "Oh, goody!" says she, clappin' her hands. "But, Mother, what is it you do to make dumplings puff out after you've dropped them in the lamb stew?" "Dumplings! Lamb stew!" says Mother. "Gracious! Don't ask me, child. I haven't made any for years. Doesn't your cook know?" "She doesn't," says Sis. "I am the cook, Mother."
"I'm sure I don't know what that means," says she; "but I am quite ready to try." "Oh, let's!" says Vee, clappin' her hands. "I can help." "And Ferdie is a splendid sailor," chimes in. Marjorie. "He's crossed a dozen times." "Then we're off," says Mr. Robert. And inside of ten minutes the club launch has landed us, bag and baggage, on the Pyxie.
"Then step lively," says I, "before they get glued up for good. Down this way. Here you are, in there among the palms! See, there's Uncle Jerry rubberin' around!" "Oh, yes!" squeals Millie, clappin' her hands. "Dear old Uncle Jerry! But but, Torchy, where is er his nephew?" "Eh?" says I. "Why, there on the bench, doin' the yawn act!" "Wha-a-a-at!" gasps Millie, steppin' in for a closer look.
An' then she told us ow' when they rang a bell somebody was goin' to put Mortimer to death, an' 'ow she stopped that by climbin' up to the bell and 'angin' on to the clapper. Then in came Mortimer an' sang a song with 'er as well 'e might about 'is true love 'avin' 'is 'eart an' 'is 'avin' 'ers, an' everyone clappin' an' stampin' an' ancorein' in the best of tempers.
Doctor, you remember that day you give her a ride in your ottermobile an' forgot to bring her home for more 'n a hour? My, but that child was happy!" "'Ma, says she when I come home that night, 'you know what heaven is? "'Child, says I, 'folks like me mostly knows what it ain't. "'I beat you, ma! says she, clappin' her hands.
The little girl had risen from her low courtesy and was haranguing the assembled hundreds: "Now watch out, all of yer, an' when I do the minute yer can clap yer hands if yer like it; an' if yer want some more, yer must clap enough to split yer gloves if yer had any on, an' then I'll give yer the coon dance; an' then if yer like that, yer can play yer gloves are busted with clappin' an' stomp yer feet "
"'Pon me word," he cried, when with some difficulty and a certain amount of physical force he had been separated from his victim, "that's the ould scut yez ought to be clappin' into gaol! Did anybody ever hear the like?
They keep a runnin' after me, 'n' it's dear Samanthy here, 'n' dear Samanthy there, jest as if I warn't a hombly old maid; 'n' they take holt o' my hands on both sides o' me, 'n' won't stir a step tell I go to see the chickens with 'em, 'n' the pig, 'n' one thing 'n' 'nother, 'n' clappin' their hands when I make 'em gingerbread men!
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