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We all turned as one man. "It was at the beginning of this hot weather. I was in camp in the Jullunder doab and stumbled slap on Stalky in a Sikh village; sitting on the one chair of state, with half the population grovellin' before him, a dozen Sikh babies on his knees, an old harridan clappin' him on the shoulder, and a garland o' flowers round his neck.
So we have decided that our wedding must be a merry one. That is why, Torchy, we have sent for you." "Eh?" says I, gawpin'. "You are to be best man," says Mr. Robert, clappin' me on the back. "Me?" I gasps. "Ah, say!" "Your Miss Verona," adds Elsa, "is to be my only bridesmaid." "Well, that helps," says I. "But how where " "It doesn't matter," says Mr. Robert.
Well, you never heerd sich a shoutin and clappin of hands, and cheerin, in your life they haw hawed like thunder. Says I Jehiel Quirk that was a superb joke of yourn, how you made the folks larf didn't you? You are een amost the wittiest critter I ever seed. I guess you'll mind your parts o' speech, and study the ACCIDENCE agin afore you let your clapper run arter that fashion, won't you?
But she's a good sport, Marjorie is, and if she was hooked up to a live one she'd travel just as lively as the next heavyweight. "Oh, let's!" says she, clappin' her hands. "You know we haven't been away from home overnight for an age. And Edna Pulsifer's such a dear, even if her father is a grouchy old thing. We'll take Torchy along too. What do you say, Ferdie?" Foolish question!
"But I've seed us keep dodgin' about for weeks, I have, later in the year than this, without clappin' eyes on a fin. What sort o' baccy d'ye smoke, Rokens?" "Dun know. Got it from a Spanish smuggler for an old clasp-knife. Why?" "Cause it smells like rotten straw, an' won't improve the victuals. Guess you'd better take yourself off, old chap."
"When she took to runnin' out at nights," my great-aunt continued, in a low voice, "yes, an' swearin' back at her pa when he gave her a bit of his mind, it nigh broke my heart ... and sometimes she'd see me cryin', and that would make her feel bad an' she'd quiet down fer a few days ... an' she'd say, 'Ma, I'm goin' to be a good girl now, an' fer maybe two or three nights she'd help clean up the supper-things an' then " with a breaking voice, "an' then all at once she'd scare me by clappin' both hands to that pretty brown head o' hers, in sech a crazy way, an' sayin', 'Honest, Ma, I can't stand it any longer ... this life's too slow.... I've gotta go out where there's some life n' fun!
"Mais oui!" says Madame, clappin' her hands enthusiastic. "The ver' one. You know her? Yes?" "I I thought I did," says Peyton, sort of weak, as he starts for the door. He calls off the picture proposition. Says he ain't quite in the mood. And all that day he seems to have something on his mind that he couldn't unload.
But I was glad when I heard the shootin' and the clappin' dee doon, and they let the next turn go on. I was weak I was nigh to faintin' as I made my way to my dressing room. I had no the strength to be changin' ma clothes, just at first, and I was still sittin' still, tryin' to pull mysel' together, when Tinsley came rushing in. He clapped his hand on my shoulder.
I looked out onto the heavenly glory of the day, and then inside into my heart, that held a faith jest as bright and undyin' as the light of that star and I says, "No, I guess I won't go and be convinced." And he says, "It wuz a good deal like a man laughin' and clappin' his hands to see his house burn down"
Well, you never heerd sich a shoutin' and clappin' of hands, and cheerin', in your life; they haw-hawed like thunder. Says I, 'Jehiel Quirk, that was a superb joke of your'n; how you made the folks larf, didn't you? You are e'enamost the wittiest critter I ever seed.
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