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Updated: June 26, 2025
And Robert sithed deep and sez, "Yes, if she had only died, and," he sez, "I can't tell Dorothy, I cannot." And I sez, "There is no need on't; better let her think she's dead. How long," sez I, turning toward him fierce in my aspect, "how long is the Lord and decent folks goin' to allow such things to go on?" And he sez, "Heaven knows, I don't."
I jest drawed the tab back coldly, and never dained a reply. Again he says, in a tone of amiable anxiety, "Have I not heard a rumor that bangs were going out of style? I see you do not wear your lovely hair bang-like, or a pompidorus! Ah! wimmen are lovely creatures, lovely beings, every one of them." And he sithed. "You are very beautiful."
I knowed that him meant the things of the sperit, but my human heart translated it, and I sithed and felt that the Jordan my soul wuz passin' through wuz indeed a hard pathway, and I couldn't help castin' a wishful eye on Jonesville's fair and happy land, where my earthly possession, my Josiah, lay. But to resoom.
Wall, suffice it to say, I sithed deep, and opened the other letter, thinkin' it would kind o' take my mind off. And for all the world! I couldn't hardly believe my eyes. But it wuz! It wuz from Serena Fogg. It wuz from the Authoress of "Wedlock's Peaceful Repose." I hadn't heard a word from her for upwards of four years. And the letter brung me startlin' intelligence.
I sithed a deep, curious sithe, and he went on: "Why," sez he, "it stands to reason they're more valuable; what good would the stun be to you if a marble statute got smashed? A dead loss on your hands. "But let one of her Iolanthes git knocked over and broke to pieces, why there you are, good, solid butter, worth 30 cents of any man's money.
That's what she's there for." I sithed agin, a sort of a cold sithe, and says, "I don't think it looks very well for us New-Englanders a sittin' round Plymouth Rock, to be a condemnin' anybody for their religeous beliefs." "Wall, there hain't no need of whittlin' out a stick, and worshipin' it, as the Chinamen do."
Says he mournfully, "I have got to find 'The Gimlet." "The Gimlet!" I sithed to myself; and the wild and harrowin' thought went through me like a arrow, that my worst apprehensions had been realized, and that man had been a writing poetry. But then I remembered that he had promised me years ago, that he never would tackle the job agin.
And I felt that if he wuz with me then and there, if we didn't mingle our tears together we could our sithes, for I sithed, powerful and frequent. Poor short-sighted creeter that I wuz, a settin' in the shadow, when the sun wuz jest a gettin' ready to shine out onto Abram and reflect off onto my envious heart.
And he misused her in such a way that she never got over the horror of what befell her when she come to to find herself at the mercy of a brute in a man's shape. She went into a melancholy madness and wuz sent to the asylum." I sithed a long and mournful sithe and sot silent agin for quite a spell. But thinkin' I must be sociable I sez: "Your aunt Cassandra is well, I spoze?"
But, at the same time, it is bitter to know that your pardner has prevaricated to you, and so the sweet and the bitter is mixed all through life. I smiled and sithed simultaneous, as it were, and dropped down the creek. Then with a calm tone, but a beatin' heart, I took up the Plan, and presented it to him.
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