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Updated: June 28, 2025
"Is this gentleman the son, brother, or father of the deceased?" inquired the official. "I am all dat and more pesides I am his friend," said Schmucke through a torrent of weeping. "Are you his heir?" "Heir?..." repeated Schmucke. "Noding matters to me more in dis vorld," returning to his attitude of hopeless sorrow. "Where are the relatives, the friends?" asked the master of the ceremonies.
Always before I meet my leetle girl I shav'. But when I say good-bye and go to war by gollies! de army make me for do it every day. My officier, he say, "What for you no shav' dis morning?" "Sair," I say, "I no kees de Boche I keel him." He say noding to dat excep', "Look at you. I shav' every day. Do you preten' I doan' fight?" "Well," I say, "if de cap feets you, smoke it."
"I was very glad you and your people didn't come; dere was noding left except de prospectuses of the Hamburg lotteree vich I left laying all about for de guests to take. Being Shabbos I could not give dem out." "We were sorry not to come, but neither Mr. Hyams nor myself felt well," said the white-haired broken-down old woman with her painfully slow enunciation.
And den you vill write about me ve vill put up for Vitechapel at de elections, ve vill both become membairs of Parliament, I and you, eh?" "I'm afraid there's not much chance of that," sighed Simon Wolf. "Vy not? Dere are two seats. Vy should you not haf de Oder?" "Ain't you forgetting about election expenses, Pinchas?" "Nein!" repeated the poet emphatically. "I forgets noding.
"How goes it, Tony?" questioned Spike, whereat the young Italian smiled, and thereafter sighed and shook his head. "Da beezeneez-a ver' good," he sighed, "da peanut-a sell-a all-a da time! But my lil' Pietro he sick, he no da same since his moder die-a, me no da same have-a none of da luck noding nix!" "Hard cheese, Tony!" quoth Spike. "But say, have you seen th' Spider kickin' around?"
A feeling of compassion for my creaking boots surged up in me, so well could I imagine the sorrowful long curiosity of regard which he would bend on them. "Zome boods," he said slowly, "are bad from birdt. If I can do noding wid dem, I dake dem off your bill." He took my order without showing me any leather, and I could feel his eyes penetrating the inferior integument of my foot.
I don't hear from my vife und I don't hear from my son. Und my liddle vun iss dead. Und so I lose my fine house und the horses und everyding. "Preddy soon I got no job even und preddy soon I am almost a bum. I hang around saloons und drink beer und do noding but spend a little money I pick up now un den by doing liddle jobs. Ah, now I have it. It vas de liddle spring. See? Zo.
Here Monsieur Moineau, a French emigre, and our Gallic tutor, cried out lustily, "You shall force that door, never jamais, jamais my pretty garcons, mes chers pupils, be good, be quiet go you couch yourselves les feux d'artifice! bah! they worth noding at all you go to bed.
A young doctor, wishing to make a good impression upon a German farmer, mentioned the fact that he had received a double education, as it were. He had studied homoeopathy, and was also a graduate of a "regular" medical school. "Oh! dot vas noding," said the farmer, "I had vonce a calf vot sucked two cows, and he made nothing but a common schteer after all."
Such like him make me what I am; he have all the pleasure, I have all the work. He give me noding he rob my poor money, and he make me seem to strangers a bad woman. Oh, dear! I am not happy!" The impulse I had been having to press on her the money, died within me; I felt suddenly it would be another insult.
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