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Updated: May 7, 2025
For the first time since he left Brockett's he was free from a strange feeling of apprehension.... Scaw House was hidden. He gave himself up to glorious life. He plunged into it.... He stepped, at first timidly, into literary London. It was, at first sight, alarming enough because it seemed to consist, so largely and so stridently, of the opposite sex.
But he had an amazing number of things to think about and the solicitor's office was the barest background for his chasing thoughts. He spoke to no one of his approaching freedom but the thought of it hung in rich and burning colour ever at the back of his thoughts. Meanwhile the changing developments at Scaw House were of a nature to frighten any boy who was compelled to share in them.
But you will when you get up to the bank there. That's Scaw Fell on the left; the round distant top. I can distinguish it, though I doubt whether you can." Then they went on again, and were soon at the bank from whence the sharp top of the mountain which Alice had named was visible. "And now we are on Swindale, and in five minutes we shall get to the stone."
Had he gone straight to Scaw House with bag and baggage and never left it again, then the Westcott tradition might have caught him when he was in that numbed condition caught him and held him. Now he had stayed away just long enough for all the old Peter to have become alive and active again. He looked back upon London with a great shuddering.
Three years at Dawson's had given Peter an acute sense of expecting things, it might be defined as "the glance over the shoulder to see who followed" some one was always following at Scaw House. He saw in this how closely life was bound together, because every little moment at Dawson's contributed to his present active fear. Dawson's explained Scaw House to Peter.
It seemed to Peter that now at Scaw House the sense of expectation that had been with them all during the last weeks was charged with suspense at supper that night his aunt burst suddenly into tears and left the room. Shortly afterwards his father also, without a word, got up from the table and went upstairs.... Peter was left alone with his grandfather.
I mustn't, but I want to go back and it hurts " He seemed to have forgotten her he stared out to sea, his hands holding the grass on either side of him. She moved and the sound suddenly brought him back. He turned to her laughing. "Sorry. I was thinking about things. That cottage over there with the black trees reminded me of Scaw House a little.... But it's all right really.
In fact there were now, at his feet, pits of so dismal and impenetrable a blackness that he refused to look down, but clung rather to his determination to make all things right with Clare again, and then things would come round. If that failed him why then, old black-faced father in Scaw House with your drunken cook and your company of ghosts, you shall have your merry way!
There were days when he was on the edge of a rush of questions, and then something held him back perhaps the unconscious certainty that his mother's answers would precipitate his relations with his father and he was not, as yet, ready. Anyhow a grim place, Scaw House, grimmer with every return to it, and not a brightly coloured interlude to Dawson's, grim enough in its own conditions.
Then the stern face passed, and the grave awful figure faded slowly down the platform. Peter felt suddenly, utterly, completely miserable, and alone. Two tears rolled slowly down his cheeks. He blew his nose, and the train started. And so this first run into liberty begins with tears and a choke in the throat and a sudden panting desire to be back in the dark passages of Scaw House.
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