Here you ought to come, O restless Lovers, to behold your selves in these two darlings; you, who in your wooing are also possessed with jealousie, if you see that another obtains access to your Mistriss; or who, perhaps as wel as you, doth but once kiss the knocker of the dore, or cause an Aubade to be plaied under her Chamber Window: Look sharply about you, and behold how these Aubades decline, or whether it be worth your while to give your Rival the Challenge; or to stab, poison, or drown'd your self, to shew, by such an untimely death, the love you had for her; and on your Grave, bear this Epitaph, that through damn'd jealousie you murthered your self.
The Mistriss and Doll are able to perform this duty well enough; for they both helpt to do it, very neatly at her Neeces birth-day; but the Pastry-Cook must be spoken to for the making a delicate minc'd Py; and Mage must run to the Confit-makers in Black-Fryers, to fetch some Conserves, Preserves, and of all other sorts of Sweetmeats, Raisins of the Sun, and more of the like ingredients, &c. for she knows best where all those things are to be had.
And verily methinks I have a mind to take my portion of it also; but yet not so as the Nurse did at my Neeces, who had toss'd up her bowls so bravely upon the good health of the Child-bed woman her Mistriss, that when she was going to swathe and feed the Child, instead of putting the spoon into the mouth, she thrust it under the chin, & sometimes against the breast; and then when she was about swathing of it; as it is commonly the custom to lay a wollen blanket and linnen bed together, she wrapt the poor Infant with its little naked body only in the blanket alone.
But whilest she pleases her Mistriss with this sight, the t'other causes her to enjoy a new recreation: for she having gotten leave to go to Church in th'afternoon, tarries out till seven of the clock in the evening, tho she knows there are friends invited to supper, the children must be got to bed, and all things set in good order; neither is it strange, for she thinks, I am now the eldest Maid, the t'other may attend.
And the Wife, perceiving that her husband is so sneaking, and forsooth so circumspect, with subtilety contrives and practises how to make him pay out mony for all what she hath any waies a mind to; by that means making her self Mistriss of the Mony-Chest, beyond his knowledge, though he hath the name, and carries the keys in his Pocket: for if she have a mind to new Stays for her self or daughter; away she goes to a Silk-shop, buies Stuf to her mind, and causeth it to be made as modish as possible may be; and having tried that it fits and pleases her fancy fully; then it is brought home by one or other of her trusty acquaintance, who come at a convenient time appointed, just like some petty Brokester, proffering it forsooth in sale to the Mistriss, and tilling her a relation that it was really made for such a Lady, but that she died whilest it was making; and for that reason it may be had for a very low price; yea, that it is such a cheap bargain, that perhaps the like may not be had again this ten years, &c.
But if it happen so that one of these Rule-sick Wenches, comes into a service where the Mistriss is a notable spirited woman that looks sharply and circumspectly to the government of her Family, then she's damnably put to't; and is troubled in spirit, that her Mistriss will not understand it so, as she would fain have it, according to her hair-brain'd manner, and gets this to an answer, Jane, do it as I command you, then it is well, though it were ill done.
And if the Mistriss be so mild that she condescends and passes by this some times; they are immediately, in their own conceits, as wise again as their Mistriss; and dare, when they come among their tailing Gossips, brag that they can bend their Mistriss to their Bow; and if their Mistriss bids them do any thing, they do it when it pleases them, or at their own oportunity; for their Mistriss is troubled with the simples, a Sugar-sop, &c.
And this, and some other matters, of verry bad reporte, 'Squier Solmes was to tell my young lady of, if so be she would have harde him speke, before we lost her sweet company, as I may say, from heere.* * See Vol.II. Letters XV. and XVI. Your Honner helped me to many ugly stories to tell against you Honner to my younge master, and younge mistriss; but did not tell me about this.
He carried a toast to the charming Ethel, another to the charming Mistriss Laura, another to his good fren', his brave frren', his 'appy fren', Pendennis 'appy as possessor of such a wife, 'appy as writer of works destined to the immortality, etc. etc. The little children round about clapped their happy little hands, and laughed and crowed in chorus.
I understand not your Cabalistical Language; but in mine, I confess that you wak'd me from the rarest Dream Where methought the Emperor of the Moon World was in our House, dancing and revelling; and methoughts his Grace was fallen desperately in love with Mistriss Elaria, and that his Brother, the Prince, Sir, of Thunderland, was also in love with Mistriss Bellemante; and methoughts they descended to court 'em in your Absence And that at last you surpriz'd 'em, and that they transform'd themselves into a Suit of Hangings to deceive you.