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Updated: May 27, 2025
I'd make a caution of him, I know. I'd polish his dial-plate fust, and then I'd feel his short ribs, so as to make him larf, a leetle jist a leetle the loudest he ever heerd. Lord, he'd think thunder and lightnin' a mint julip to it. I'd ring him in the nose as they do pigs in my country, to prevent them rootin' up what they hadn't ought."
"Nothin' to larf about," grunted out our crusty coxswain, bracing his body against the loom of the oar with which he was steering and slewing the boat's head aside to avoid a cross sea that nearly broke at that very moment over our bows.
You need'nt larf, says Father, he's smarter than he looks; our Minister's old horse, Captain Jack, is reckoned as quick a beast of his age as any in our location, and that are colt can beat him for a lick of a quarter of a mile quite easy I see'd it myself. Well, they larfed agin louder than before, and says father, if you dispute my word, try me; what odds will you give?
I don't think Rube knew what I war larfin' at; but he told me afterward he larfed to see me larf, which, in all the time we had been together, he hadn't seen. What made us larf worse was that the Mexicans were so startled that they seized their rifles and rushed to the doorway, and stood looking at us as if we were wild beasts.
"Good! good!" cried Captain Spingler, who desires the Irish vote for country clerk; "that's fus' rate." "You see what I'm drivin at, don't you, Cap?" I said. "Certainly." "Well," I ansered, "I'm very glad you do, becaus I don't." This made the Finians larf, and they said, "Walk up onto the speaker's platform sir."
Ef you was a Beecher or a Gough you could fill the hall, or may be ef your more known like, and would talk to 'em free, you might git 'em, or if you's going to sing or dress up to make 'em larf; but <i>as 'tis</i>, I dunno." After the effort was over I tried to sound him as to my success.
No, says I, don't call 'em great men, for there aint a great man in the country, that's a fact; there aint one that desarves the name; folks will only larf at you if you talk that way.
"I kud jest see that the bar appeared to be still a tossin' the blanket, and not fur from whur we hed parted kumpny. "I thort this some'at odd; but I didn't stay to see what it meant till I hed put another hundred yards atween us. Then I half turned, an' tuk a good look; an' if you believe me, strangers, the sight I seed thur 'ud a made a Mormon larf.
"Such a pair o' fools you never saw, Squire, since the last time you shaved afore a lookin' glass; and the stable boys larfed, and he larfed, and I larfed, and it was the only larf I had all that juicy day.
Take a parcel of sodjers, officers and all, and stretch 'em out in a row, and paint 'em, and then engrave 'em, and put it into one of our annuals, and see how folks would larf, and ask, 'What boardin'-school gall did that? Who pulled her up out of standin' corn, and sot her up on eend for an artist? they'd say. "There is nothin' here to take hold on.
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