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Updated: June 3, 2025
The Higginses lost a darned good friend when Bill died. Bill wrote a pome 'bout their old dog Towze when he wuz run over by Watkins's hay-wagon seven years ago. I'll bet that pome is in every scrap-book in the county. You couldn't read that pome without cryin', why, that pome w'u'd hev brought a dew out on the desert uv Sary.
Whoa, darlin'! Bad cess to ye, ye roachbacked Prodestan' baste, kape off iv thim flower beds! Have yez no manners at all, at all? Be all th' saints in glory I'll larrup th' head off iv yez or I w'u'd if I wasn't afraid ye'd buck me onto the roof. Yez have me crippled intirely as ut is." "Not a word, for your life!" Wade whispered. "That's a star monologue!"
An' Laura waits for me an' tells me to be sure to get 'em on tight enough, why, bless me! after I once got 'em strapped on, if them skates hed come off, the feet w'u'd ha' come with 'em! An' now away we go, Laura an' me. Around the bend near the medder where Si Barker's dog killed a woodchuck last summer we meet the rest. We forget all about the cold.
Stebbins used to tell how when the Dock wuz a baby he used to wake her up haff a dozen times uv a night cryin' like he wuz hungry, 'nd when she turnt over in bed to him he w'u'd laff 'nd coo like he wuz sayin', "No, thank ye I wuz only foolin'!"
Dock had a piece uv wood 'bout two inches long, maybe three: it wuz black 'nd stubby 'nd looked jest like the butt uv a cigar. Nobody but Dock w'u'd ever hev thought uv sech a fool thing, but Dock used to go round with that thing in his mouth like it wuz a cigar, and when he 'd meet a man who wuz smokin' he'd say: "Excuse me, but will you please to gimme a light?"
He made no sound, and submitted silently to the ministrations of his trainers. Flynn was philosophical. "The fortunes of war, Misther Canby. 'T'was a gran' fight, as fine a mill as you'll see in a loife time wid the best man losin' 'S a shame, sor; but Masther Jerry w'u'd have his way bad cess to 'm. You can't swap swipes wid a gorilla, sor. It ain't done."
If 'tis me opinion 't w'u'd be best t' kape th' cat fer some time, I will kape it. Mike Flannery is th' ixpriss agint av this office, Tim, me bye, an' sh'u'd he be thinkin' 't w'u'd be best fer th' intherists av th' company t' kape a cat that is no longer livin', he will. There be manny things fer ye t' learn, Timmy, before ye know th' whole av th' ixpriss business, an' dead cats is wan av thim."
Then the man w'u'd hand over his cigar, and Dock w'u'd plough that wood stub uv his'n around in the lighted cigar and would pertend to puff away till he had put the real cigar out, 'nd then Dock w'u'd hand the cigar back, sayin', kind uv regretful like: "You don't seem to have much uv a light there; I reckon I'll wait till I kin git a match."
Just inside the door the inspector stopped and sniffed suspiciously. No express office should have smelled as that one smelled. "Wan minute!" cried Flannery, pulling away from the inspector's grasp. "Wan minute! I have a hint there be a long-haired cat near by. Wance ye have been near wan av thim ye can niver mistake thim Angora cats. I w'u'd know th' symbol av thim with me eyes shut.
I can see ye wrinkle yer nose, and I don't blame yez. I'll move to the down-wind side of yez. Ye see, it was like this: The t'ief iv the wurruld was in me chicken house " "I said I was Farwell," that gentleman interrupted. "Farrel, is ut?" said the station agent. "I knowed a Farrel thirty years gone. W'u'd he be yer father, now? His people come from Munster, if I mind right.
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