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Updated: June 26, 2025
Of co'se, ef a man got a good public axe to grime, he espec' an' you espec' him to bring his private axe along an' git hit grime at the same junction. Thass natchiul. Thass all right an' puffiely corrosive. On'y we must take tu'ns tunnin' the grime-stone. You grime my axe, I grime yo's. How does that strack you, Mr. March?" John's reply was enthusiastic.
Thass all ri'. Yasseh! You bet!" yelled Samson up by the house. A girl in a gauzy black gown and a drooping black hat came out on the front porch of the house and waved to the passing people. "We'll be along! Yes, we are coming! Yes, we'll hurry!" There were bright tears in the girl's eyes. A man came out of the house and stood behind her, his arm on the door post, his face smiling.
Tole ole Ham to watch me, too servants spyin' on me whuzyer think that, my fren'? A nice, quiet hic goodhearted young feller like me, an' his daddy can't go to Europe hup! an' leave him in peace! Ain't that a shame, sir? An' I gotter go home every evenin' an' miss all the fun, by Harry! Thass whuzzamatter now thass why I'm here!
March, I does! Thass right where they misses it. Why, they needs me, seh! I got a new policy, Mr. March. I 'llowed to espound it las' week on the flo' of the house, same day the guvneh veto that bill we pass; yass, seh. The guvneh's too much like Gyarnit; he's faw the whole hawg or none. Thass not my way; my visions is mo' perspectral an' mo' clairer. Seh? Wha'd you say?"
"Reely, I cann' tell you; but thass one thing, Doctah, I dunno if you 'ave notiz: the worl' halways take a gweat deal of welfa'e in a man w'en 'e's 'ising. I do that myseff. Some'ow I cann' 'e'p it." This bold speech was too much for him. He looked down at his symmetrical legs and went back to his desk. The Doctor was far from reassured. After a silence he called out:
"Well, I am compel' to say you ah co'ect. I am continually makin' some discove'ies. 'Necessity's the motheh of inventions. Now thass anotheh thing I 'ave notiz about that month of Octobeh: it always come befo' you think it's comin'. I 'ave notiz that about eve'y month. Now, to-day we ah the twennieth Octobeh! Is it not so?" He lighted his cigarette. "You ah compel' to co'obo'ate me."
"He's a great friend of mine." "All right. Well, I guess thass 'bout all, huh? I'll be going downstairs 'an starting in." "You can come here immediately?" "Sure. Got parlour-maid rig round at m' boarding-house round corner. Come back with it 'n ten minutes. Same dress I used when I w's working on th' Marling D'vorce case. D'jer know th' Marlings? Idle rich! Bound t' get 'nto trouble. I fixed 'm.
She puttend to be tarrible shocked well, o' co'se thass right! Hid away in the hills at Rosemont. But I kin git her on a day's notice. All I got to espress myself is Majo' Gyarnit, seh!
Better come home wiz me yes, by Harry, thass the trick, you'll come home an' hassome supper hic wiz me! Awful lonesome nobody home! Guv'ner gone abroad Bubby on's honeymoon Polly havin' twins every damn soul gone away! Nuff hic nuff to drive a feller to drink, I say! Only ole Ham standin' by, passin' plates damfican eat like that, no sir! The club for me every time, my boy, I say.
They come out yere to see you win anotheh stake an' trim that white hoss from Seattle. Grey Ghost, thass whut they calls him. When you hooks up with him down in front of that gran' stan', he'll think he's a ghost whut's mislaid his graveyard, yes, indeedy! They tells me he got lots of that ol' early speed; they tells me he kin go down to the half-mile pole in nothin', flat.
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