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Updated: June 17, 2025
"This is all that young beggar Bobby Smudge's doing, I'll warrant," I heard Ned Grummit, a topman, exclaim, as he came down from aloft. "I never knowed a chap of that sort who went for to go for to drown hisself, if he threatened to do mischief, but found means to do it. I knowed it would be so from the first, and we shall be lucky if worse doesn't come of it."
"Flowers?" repeated Mr. Grummit, as though the word were new to him. "Flowers? What flowers?" "You know well enough," retorted the constable. "You got over my fence last night and smashed all my flowers down." "You be careful wot you're saying," urged Mr. Grummit. "Why, I love flowers. You don't mean to tell me that all them beautiful flowers wot you put in so careful 'as been spoiled?"
Grummit looked up, and noticed with wifely pleasure that he was looking almost cheerful. "He's given me a tip," said Mr. Grummit, with a faint smile; "a copper mustn't come into a free-born Englishman's 'ouse unless he's invited." "Wot of it?" inquired his wife. "You wasn't think of asking him in, was you?" Mr. Grummit regarded her almost play-fully.
"Of course, if you mean to say that you were one o' them burglars," continued the constable, "why, say it and I'll take you with pleasure. Come to think of it, I did seem to remember one o' their voices." Mr. Grummit, with his eyes fixed on the other's, backed a couple of yards and breathed heavily. "About your height, too, he was," mused the constable.
"I must wish you good morning, Sir Reginald," he said, rising. "You will, I feel sure, not forget your promise regarding my son Dick, and if Captain Grummit cannot take him, I trust that you will find some other captain who does not insist on his midshipmen having so large an allowance."
Bill said so. He's made a study o' that sort o' thing." Mrs. Grummit pondered this simple plan so long that her husband began to lose patience. At last, against her better sense, she rose and fetched the weapon in question. "And you be careful what you're hitting," she said, as they went upstairs to bed. "We'd better have 'igh words first, I s'pose?" "You pitch into me with your tongue," said Mr.
His wife responded, and at the same moment the bedroom door was flung open, and her brother, who had been hastily fetched by the neighbours on the other side, burst into the room and with one hearty blow sent Mr. Grummit sprawling. "Hit my sister, will you?" he roared, as the astounded Mr. Grummit rose. "Take that!" Mr.
Grummit clambered out, and after some trouble secured the bedclothes and made up a bed in a corner of the room. In a short time she was fast asleep; but her husband, broad awake, spent the night in devising further impracticable schemes for the discomfiture of the foe next door. He saw Mr. Evans next morning as he passed on his way to work.
Grummit, whose voice was becoming exhausted, sought a temporary relief in moans. "Is he deaf?" panted the wife-beater, "or wot?" He knocked over a chair, and Mrs. Grummit contrived another frenzied scream. A loud knocking sounded on the wall. "Hel lp!" moaned Mrs. Grummit. "Halloa, there!" came the voice of the constable. "Why don't you keep that baby quiet? We can't get a wink of sleep." Mr.
The constable, lounging against his door-post, surveyed him with a dispassionate smile. "That would be besides what you'd get from me," he said, softly. "Come out in the road," said Mr. Grummit, with sudden violence. "It's agin the rules," said Mr. Evans; "sorry I can't. Why not go and ask your wife's brother to oblige you?" He went in laughing and closed the door, and Mr.
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