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Updated: June 6, 2025
Wid a horse betune me legs, it's on parade oi'd be now, Miss, and not wandhering over the bare flure of the Marsh, stharved wid the cold, the thirst, and hunger, wid the mud and the moire thick on me; facin' an illigant young leddy as is the ekal ov a Fayld Marshal's darter not to sphake ov Kernal Preston's ez couldn't hold a candle to her."
Mother! eddication wouldn't learn no woman how to make better bread'n yourn. Fact is, there's nothin' ekal to home, an home-vittles an' home-folks! With such a livin' ez I've took in, I sha'n't need a bite at the Agapolis deepo. We're half an hour there, but I hate the very smell o' them eatin' houses! An' please GOD! I'll bring Her in at twelve sharp!"
No matter how much he groaned over it, his mother was pitiless. Sometimes Caleb plucked up courage and interceded. "I don't believe he feels quite ekal to learnin' of his stint to-night," he would say, and then his eyes would fall before the terrible stern pathos in Deborah's, as she would reply in her deep voice: "If he can't learn nothin' about books, he's got to learn about his own soul.
'Dis is our berloved Ameriky! sez I, 'where no tyrant's heel is ever knowed, sez I, 'where all men is ekal, sez I, 'an' where we, feller-citerzens, un'er de gallorious banner of REFORM an' at dat word, dey all jes' got up on deir feet an' stamped, an' yelled, an' waved deir hats an' coats till you'd er t'ought dey was a Legislatur' of lunatics.
"Why do you grieve?" "For my Chloe!" "Your wife?" "Wife no! Never 'ad a wife never shall. There's no woman breathin' could ekal my Chloe for love an' faithfulness used to nibble my 'air, she did, poor lass!" "Nibble your hair?" I repeated. "Pray who was she?"
'Wy now, said Sam, looking round, 'would anybody believe as a man at his time o' life could be running his head agin spinsters and punsters being the same thing? 'There an't a straw's difference between 'em, said Mr. Weller. 'Your father didn't drive a coach for so many years, not to be ekal to his own langvidge as far as THAT goes, Sammy.
Wall, take the advice of a Amerykin sitterzen, take orf them gownds & don't try to get up a religious fite, which is 40 times wuss nor a prize fite, over Albert Edard, who wants to receive you all on a ekal footin, not keerin a tinker's cuss what meetin house you sleep in Sundays. Go home & mind yure bisness & not make noosenses of yourselves." With which observashuns I left 'em.
Ishmael complied with this request also, and read the letter aloud, to the immense delight of Jim, who earnestly expressed his approbation in the emphatic words: "Now that is beautiful! Thank y', sir! That is ekal to anything as ever I heard out'n the pulpit and sides which, sir, it is all true, true as gospel, sir.
"Did ye ever see ennyting to ekal de cunnin' o' de critter," said Uncle Eb gloomily; "runnin' up dat tree on'y to jump off, so as he'd break de scent an' fool de dog? Ye'll learn a heap o' queer tings in dese woods, chillun, 'fore ye get t'rough," he added, addressing the English lads. "We've learned queerer things than we ever imagined or dreamed of, already, Uncle Eb," Neal answered.
Come and bring your knittin', Miss MONK. Mrs. WARD will do the fair thing by you. She makes the best slap-jacks in America. As a slap-jackist, she has no ekal. She wears the Belt. What the review was all about, I don't know. I haven't a gigantic intelleck, which can grasp great questions at onct. I am not a WEBSTER or a SEYMOUR. I am not a WASHINGTON or a OLD ABE. Fur from it.
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