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Updated: May 7, 2025
Here again is a very clever diddle, of which the simplicity is not its least recommendation. A purse, or pocket-book, being really lost, the loser inserts in one of the daily papers of a large city a fully descriptive advertisement. Whereupon our diddler copies the facts of this advertisement, with a change of heading, of general phraseology and address.
I'll talk about something else. Suppose I hadn't you? What shall we have for dinner tomorrow? There's a bone for you, and the jelly for Notya, and for me an egg, perhaps. Boiled, baked, fried, poached, scrambled, omeletted? Somehow, somehow. What shall I say next? Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, and all that kind of thing. That will take a long time. I know I sound mad, but I'm not.
Hey diddle! hey diddle! hey diddle diddle! I wonder whether Mr. Raymond would take me to see Nanny. Hey diddle! hey diddle! hey diddle diddle! The baby and fiddle! O, mother, I'm such a silly! But I can't help it. I wish I could think of something else, but there's nothing will come into my head but hey diddle diddle! the cat and the fiddle!
I'll go, however; lest thou shouldst say, thy interests were neglected. Thy Master Tiller is an indiscreet agent; he gave me a fright to-day that exceeds any alarm I have felt since the failure of Van Halt, Balance, and Diddle."
The hymn was lined off in this fashion: "Oh, may my heart go diddle, diddle, Like Uncle David's sacred fiddle." There were still a great many people opposed to instrumental music and who could see no reverence in the organ's solemn sound. Uncle Winthrop smiled over the story, and Betty said it would do to tell to Aunt Priscilla. Betty begged that they might take Doris to Salem with them.
Hi fum diddle eye, ho fol lol, Tittle-bats cats-call, tol de rol lol. It is not necessary to give the whole of the song. Jos assured his companions that it was very pathetic, and that if it did not move the hearts of the pirates he would not believe that they had any hearts at all.
Fa-ra diddle di and a fa-ri diddle d and a high-dum dye-dum fiddle...dumb-c. And now, Madam, we may venture, I hope a little to go on. Though there are two reasons why you need not talk loud of this to every one. First, Because 'twill make the said nags the harder to be got; and Secondly, 'Tis not a word of it true. Allons! As for Sens you may dispatch in a word ''Tis an archiepiscopal see.
Sponge? continued she, again appealing to our friend. 'Sure I don't know, replied Sponge, eating away; 'Mr. Crowdey finds conveyance I only find company. Mrs. Jogglebury Crowdey then prepared to pour her husband out another cup of tea, and the musical snuff-box, being now left to itself, went off of its own accord with: 'Diddle, diddle, doubt, My candle's out.
I would not for the value of this chapter have it believed by a single reader that my Eleanor could bring herself to marry Mr Slope, or that she should be sacrificed to a Bertie Stanhope. But among the good folk of Barchester many believed both the one and the other. 'Diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, dum, dum, dum, said, or sung Eleanor Bold.
I humbly and sorrowfully confess that I had my estimable father aforesaid certified as insane when I knew his brain to be considerably sounder than my own; that I did this in order to diddle him and my younger brother and sister out of their money; that instead of putting him under restraint, I exiled him furth of Great Britain and Ireland, so that he thereby suffered discomforts and torments for whose virulence I take his word; that I announced his death knowing him to be alive; and that I then in a criminal and shameful manner appropriated his estate to my own use.
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