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Updated: May 12, 2025
Crumps were still falling, and so was the rain. "We'll go through 'Lanwick Street, then bear to the left, and don't forget to keep your head down." There are two things I detest more than anything else in the trenches: they are "whizz-bangs" and rats.
With this end in view he set out for London, that mighty hive of industry and idleness into which there is a ceaseless flow of men who "want something to do," and of men who "don't know what to do." And what of Denham, Crumps, and Company during this period? The rats in and around Red Wharf Lane could have told you, had they been able to speak, that things prospered with that firm.
Exchanging a "So long" with less fortunate members of the mess, you realise a vast difference in respective destinies. To-morrow the others will be dodging crumps, archies, or official chits "for your information, please"; to-morrow, with luck, you will be dodging taxis in London.
The old gentleman happened to be a merchant in the city, with whom Denham, Crumps, and Company did extensive and advantageous business. This was the cause of Denham's unwonted urbanity. He cared little for the old man's friendship. In fact, he would have dispensed with it without much regret, for he was sometimes pressed to contribute to charities by his philanthropic friend.
Mr Crumps thought it would, and being a man of naturally charitable and liberal impulses, who had been constantly snubbed by Mr Denham for many years past he felt overjoyed at the prospect of a new era opening up before him. "Well, what shall we send to Mr Clelland?" pursued Guy. Mr Crumps, unable all at once to get over old habits and associations, suggested fifty pounds, timidly.
A glance at Guy in his office, not long after his uncle's death, will show the reader how things were managed by the new head of the firm. Guy was seated in Denham's chair, at Denham's desk, reading and writing what, in former days, would have been Denham's letters. Presently Mr Crumps entered. "I was just going to ask you to consult with me," said Guy; "pray sit down, sit down, Mr Crumps."
Now, sit down at that table and take a pen. Are you ready?" Tommy said that he was, and Guy Foster dictated the following note to Mr Denham, of the house of Denham, Crumps, and Company: "Deal. "Dear Uncle, I'm sorry to have to inform you that the `Nancy' has become a total wreck on the Goodwin Sands. The cargo has been entirely lost also two of the hands.
"Yes," resumed "Pongo," while Joe Bates was lighting his cigarette, "this ain't what you'd call war. I wouldn't mind goin' for ole Fritz with an 'ammer, but, what with 'owitzers and 'crumps, and 'Black Marias, and 'pip-squeaks' and 'whizz-bangs, the infantry bloke ain't got a chanst. 'Ere 'ave I been in a bloomin' trench for six months, and what 'ave I used my bay'nit for?
Mr Crumps, not having recovered the power of speech, nodded his head, and rubbed his hands slowly, a benignant smile playing on his old face the while. "Well, then," continued Bax, "Amy, so far from making any objection to going to sea with me, says that she won't let me go away without her, so that's settled, and the wedding day is fixed for Monday next week. But I'm not satisfied yet.
Had the dangers attendant upon an unseaworthy vessel and the difficulty of navigating the channels of these celebrated Sands, been all that Bax had to fear, he would have felt comparatively at ease; but the economical spirit of Denham, Crumps, and Company had supplied him with anchors and chains which he feared were neither new enough nor sufficiently powerful to hold his vessel after she had gained her anchorage-ground.
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