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Updated: June 26, 2025
"No," said Belle O'Neill: "he told 'er winter pears was the pears for him, an' she giv' him a slap an' started down suller to get a dish o' fruit, an' he told 'er when she come back he was goin' ter tell her a story 't he hadn't never told or dreamed o' tellin' to anybody but her; he said he'd all'as kep' it to himself, 'cause folks 't hadn't been in Californy was ign'runt an' env'ous, an' wouldn't believe nothin' 't was told 'em, but he guessed she loved him well enough to b'lieve it; an' he said the name of it was 'The Story o' the Sacred Cow!"
"I'm glad I didn't wear my dead-lustre silk," said she tenderly; "it might 'a' got spotted. I'm all'as a great hand to spot when I'm eatin' blueberry pie." Blessed soul! it was not she; it was my arm that was scattering the contents of the pie. "You know I board 'Blind Rodgers," she went on, still deeper to bury my regret and confusion.
She was chopped down so small tow'ds the waist line, looked as ef, ef she sh'd happen to get ketched in a nor'wester, she'd go clean in tew. "'Wal, says she to me, and sighs. 'I wish 't there was a chapel to this place, says she. 'I know, says I; 'I've all'as said, ef they'd start 'er up I'd contribbit to 'er 's fur as my purse 'u'd allow." Exhaustive laughter for some cause from the group.
She stopped him with a haughty look. "An' in course," said he, "I don't know, neither. But it dews make me feel dreadful t' think I've started sech a rank bean-pole farm as this, when I've all'as told ye, my little gal, 't we'd ort'er use moderation" Captain Leezur wiped his blessed shining eyes "moderation in all things, even in passnips I have said an' neow I change it to bean-poles."
The very first time 't Major Henry ever stepped inter this post-office he come up to me an' handed me a five-dollar bill, 'n' says he: "'Mardam, could you kin'ly put my mail t' one side, me not all'as bein' convienent to be here at its openin', maybe; an' all the mail that ain't called for at its openin' bein' thrun up onter the top pantry shelf, says he, ''nd everybody 't comes in lookin' it over t' see ef they've got anything, is a most beautiful compliment to human natur', says he, 'an' one that I wish I could interduce everywhere; but me not bein' vary tall, he says, 'an' kind o' near-sighted, I'm afeered as I might git somethin' 't didn't belong to me.
"Wal, I all'as churn my butter Friday mornin', come hail, come wind: so I gits up an' 'twas kind o' dark yit an' in I pours the pail o' cream an' begins to churn, an' thinks I, 'This spatters onaccountable this mornin', an' took off the cover to see what the ructions was!
He winked at Captain Pharo and Uncle Coffin. The sweet girl blushed disdainfully for some one and, with a lingering touch on the dear man's shoulder, went away. "I've all'as been kiled over a good deal," explained Captain Leezur gently, with a smile the subtlety of which he sought in a measure to hide. "And we mustn't forgit," he added, "that thar 's a time for all things under the sun.
"'I know not why I love her, The fair an' beau'chus she; She bro't the cuss upon me, Und'neath the apple-tree: But she asked me for my jack knife, And halved 'er squar' with me, Sence all'as lovely woman Gives the biggest half to thee." "Judah's wife writ that," exclaimed Captain Pharo, with a generic awe of poetry as poetry.
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