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Updated: June 29, 2025
He had secretly thought of that before now, and in the sudden depression of spirits which came upon him as a reaction he cursed himself a third time for having told Clare Bowring that he loved her, while such a matter as Lady Fan's divorce was still hanging over him as a possibility.
"Then, Merton, I must tell you that your readiness in resenting that little fault of Fan's, and making it a cause for separating us, makes me suspect that there is something behind it which you have kept from me.
Fan's monosyllabic replies were scarcely audible; she was very pale, and kept her eyes religiously fixed on the table before her. At length she ventured to glance at him, and could not help noticing, in spite of her distress, that he seemed as ill at ease as herself.
He kicked poor little Fan with his great heavy big boots 'cause Fan would say Wyn's prayers. 'Who was Fan? asked the puzzled doctor. 'Himself, whispered Nuttie. 'Alas! himself! 'Wyn was Fan, said Alwyn. 'Fan's gone now! 'And did the man kick poor little Fan, repeated the doctor 'here? 'Oh don't don't! It hurts so. Master said he would have none of that, and he kicked with his big boot. Oh!
But Lady Fan's thoughtlessness or wickedness, as Clare thought she ought to call it sank into insignificance before the cynical heartlessness of the man. It was impossible ever to forget the cool way in which he had said she ought not to take it so tragically, because it was not worth it. Yet he had admitted that he had promised to marry her if she got a divorce.
"It 's dreadful wicked of me, but I can't help it," she sobbed to herself, in the corner of the carriage. "That music sets me all in a twitter, and I should have looked nice in Fan's blue tarlatan, and I know I could behave as well as any one, and have lots of partners, though I 'm not in that set. Oh, just one good gallop with Mr. Sydney or Tom!
Then she remembered that Constance had become acquainted with Merton Chance only through Fan's having seen him once at her house, reflecting with a feeling of mingled wonder and compassion that through so trivial a circumstance this poor girl's life had been so darkly clouded.
And it grieved me to think that you too might be in trouble and want." Then, after surveying Fan's costume for some moments, she added with a smile. "But that was a false fear, I hope." "Yes, dear. At any rate, for some time past I have had everything I could wish for, and dear friends to care for me. But that is a very long story, Constance, and I am anxious to hear how your husband is."
"I 'm glad you take it so well, dear; I was afraid it might upset you," said Polly, seeing now that in spite of her quiet manner, Fan's eyes had an excited look, and her cheeks a feverish color. "I shall groan and moan by and by, I dare say, but at first it sort of dazed me, and now it begins to excite me.
Mary looked at her wonderingly. "Dear child, I am not mocking, heaven knows. Will you not kiss me good-bye?" Fan kissed her readily, but with no warmth, and murmured, "Good-bye, Mary." And even after that the other still lingered a few moments in the hall, and then, glancing again at Fan's face and seeing no change, she opened the door and passed out.
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