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Instead of telling yer friends that it won't hurt'em, as I've heerd of some infatuated pussons doin, tell 'em total abstinence won't hurt 'em, and I'll ventur fur tu say they'll thank ye fur it, instead of cussin of ye tu all eternity fur puttin the glass to their lips.
Now, I reckon, I most named all de fambly; I ain' sayin' what fambly, but I is sayin' dat ole Timmie knows moh'n most pussons reckons she do. 'Sides dat, she kin find moh 'xcuses in her heart den de worl' kin. Run 'long, now! I jest stepped in 'caze a li'l gal warn't gittin' a faih show!" "Oh, Aunt Timmie," the girl cried, "I ain't bad!
Did I understand you to say that you wanted us to come to dinner?" "Dat's jest it, pertesser. I done 'spress mahself in de most disproportionate language what I knows how, an' yet it seems laik some pussons cain't understand de appreciableness ob simplisosity."
"I ain't goin' ter min' yer, nuther; an' I sha'n't nuver go ter sleep no mo', an' let you go to prayer-meetin's; jes all time botherin' me, an' won't lemme see de specerlaters, nor nothin'." "Jes lis'en how yer talkin'," said Mammy, "given' me all dat sass. You're de sassies' chile marster's got. Nobody can't nuver larn yer no manners, allers er sassin ole pussons.
Dere nebber was much uniform in de army, but what dere was, de regulars is entitle to it. I nebber tink de soger look just de ting widout de regimental. Now, look at de 'Piscopal minister in de pulpit, in de lily-white and de black gown. De fust is for white folks, and de oder out of respec' for us colored pussons. Dey is his regimental. He look like a regular soger ob de Lord.
But it didn't. One nite, cummin' hum from the Mooseum, where I had been instructin' and elevatin' several thousand pussons, male and female, I innocently swallered a fog swallered it hull. I'd bin swallerin on 'em ever since I'd bin in England, but that night I took in a bigger one than ever, and it made me sick.
"Your what?" exclaimed the constable, utterly at a loss to imagine the meaning of the other. "My 'spectability," repeated Primus, gravely. "You see, when I was a young man I sociate wid da best company in de country. Ah," sighed Primus, "dey made more 'count ob colored pussons den, dan dey does now."
How would your communistic enthusiast, who bawls out about the equality of all men, like to see, as I have seen, "respectable cullered pussons," representatives of the beloved "man and a brother," wearing livery, the "badge of servitude," which is only supposed to be donned by the "menials of European tyrants?"
I do not see how you could get such a notion into your head." Mike gave himself a shrug. "Now look a here, Miss Miriam," he said; "I've heard before of red-headed cooks, an' colored pussons as wasn't satisfied with their victuals, an' nobody knows what they died of, an' the funerals was mighty slim, an' no 'count, the friends an' congregation thinkin' there might be somethin' 'tagious.
Perfessor Amos Henderson, I did not," answered Washington. "Just plain Professor will do," said Amos Henderson, quietly. "You needn't give my full name every time." "All right, Perfessor," went on the colored man. "I didn't find no mo' pussons entangled in the distribution of debris. Dere was a lot ob railroad men dere, but dey wasn't hurted.
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