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Updated: June 13, 2025
Bert informed him that Philpot was a widower, and that he had no children. 'Ah, well, that's so much the better, isn't it? said the stranger shaking his head mournfully. 'It's a dreadful thing, you know, when there's children left unprovided for. You don't happen to know where he lived, do you?
He did think of calling out the patent paint-pumping machine and bringing the hosepipe to bear on the subject, but abandoned the idea; after all, he thought, what was the use of arguing with such a fool as Owen? Sawkins pretended to be asleep. Philpot, however, had suddenly grown very serious.
At the end of the song they gave three cheers for Tariff Reform and Plenty of Work, and then Crass, who, as the singer of the last song, had the right to call upon the next man, nominated Philpot, who received an ovation when he stood up, for he was a general favourite. He never did no harm to nobody, and he was always wiling to do anyone a good turn whenever he had the opportunity.
It was true that there was nothing much to see at Tubberton, but there was one thing they could rely on getting there that they could not be sure of getting for the same money anywhere else, and that was a good feed. Philpot seconded the motion, and Payne was about to call for a show of hands when Harlow rose to a point of order. It appeared to him that they were getting on a bit too fast.
"What on earth do you mean by going off without answering?" "It's no business of yours, is it?" said the new boy, mildly. "Yes," exclaimed Philpot, "it is. You don't suppose we fellows are going to be humbugged by a young sneak like you, do you?" "I sha'n't tell you, then!" quietly replied Smith.
'Even if Misery didn't come, I suppose Crass would 'ave something to say if we did put 'em on, continued Philpot. 'Well, yer couldn't blame 'im if 'e did say something, could yer? said Slyme, offensively. 'Crass would get into a row 'imself if 'Unter came and saw us workin' in overcoats. It would look ridiclus.
In this wish Bert entirely concurred, and similar charitable sentiments were expressed by all the others as soon as they heard that Misery was gone. Just before four o'clock that afternoon Bert began to load up the truck with the venetian blinds, which had been taken down some days previously. 'I wonder who'll have the job of paintin' 'em? remarked Philpot to Newman.
Philpot, Bundy, and Barrington were to 'raise', and Dawson and Sawkins were to go up to the attic and haul on the rope. 'Where's the rope? asked Crass. The others looked blankly at him. None of them had thought of bringing one from the yard. 'Why, ain't there one 'ere? asked Philpot. 'One 'ere? Of course there ain't one 'ere! snarled Crass. 'Do you mean to say as you ain't brought one, then?
These sentiments were echoed by everyone with the solitary exception of Slyme, who said that Philpot would find out his mistake after he was dead, when he would have to stand before the Great White Throne for judgement! 'And at the Last Day, when yer sees the moon turned inter Blood, you'll be cryin' hout for the mountings and the rocks to fall on yer and 'ide yer from the wrath of the Lamb!
As Philpot had remarked, the fall had to some extent sobered him; but he had not gone very far before the drink he had taken began to affect him again and he had fallen down. Finding it impossible to get up, he began crawling along on his hands and knees, unconscious of the fact that he was travelling in the wrong direction.
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