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Updated: May 12, 2025
"'Three killed an' none wounded is how results stacks up; an' after me an' the live Wells-Fargo gent cl'ars the dead leader outen the trail, we-alls lays out the remainders inside all peaceful, an' comes a-curvin' on to Wolfville. It's then, as we puts 'em in the coach, I sees that my hold-up's that onfortunate felon, Slim Jim. Which I was shorely astonished.
Pore Bowlaigs! it embitters my last moments as I pictures what must have been his opinions of me when I lams loose at him with that knife! Bury us in one grave, gents; it'll save trouble an' show besides that thar's no hard feelin's between me an' Bowlaigs over what an' give it the worst name ain't nothin' but a onfortunate mistake." Toad Allen's Elopement.
"At first Dave allows he'll let Bowlaigs live with him a whole lot an' keep him ontil he grows up, an' construct a pet of him. But as I more than once makes plain, Dave proposes but Tucson Jennie disposes; an' so it befalls that on the third day after the cub takes up his residence with her an' Dave, Jennie arms herse'f with a broom an' harasses the onfortunate Bowlaigs from her wickeyup.
I often laugh, Esther, to think that I was once like you, and looked upon Thrums as a bonny place. How is the old hole? My son makes grand sport of the onfortunate bairns as has to bide in Thrums, and I see him doing it the now to his favorite companion, which is a young gentleman of ladylike manners, as bides in our terrace.
You can find the grave to-day. "Shore! we sticks up a headboard. It says on it, the same bein' furnished by Doc Peets an' I wants to say Doc Peets is the best eddicated gent in Arizona-as follows "An' don't you-all know, son, this yere onfortunate weedin' out of pore Crawfish that a-way, sorter settles down on the camp an' preys on us for mighty likely it's a week. It shorely is a source of gloom.
I wuz kep' from visitin' her at that time by P. Martyn Smythe and onfortunate domestic circumstances. And I have always worried for fear she hearn I wuz in London that time and never went nigh her; she not knowin' what hendered me. I writ her a letter to make her mind easy, but must know she never got it, for she never writ a word in reply. I posted the letter I spoke on with my own hands.
"It don't matter, stranger. Have you seen your father lately?" "Not for many years. I am an outcast from his presence," replied Vernon, with some appearance of feeling. "That's onfortunate; does he know what sort of a lark you are?" "I hope not," replied Vernon, with a sickly smile. "But he does; he knows all about this ongodly scrape you got into last night."
Now, it's frequent with him when he's selected a victim that a-way, an' while he's bickerin' with him up to the killin' p'int, to invite said sacrifice to take a drink. When they're ag'inst the bar, this yere Fowler we-all strangles would pour out a glass of whiskey an' chuck it in the eyes of that onfortunate he's out to down.
It's a onfortunate gesture; the invalid as quick as a rattlesnake, prodooces a derringer, same as Doc Peets allers packs, from his surtoot an' the bullet carries away most of Ugly Collins' lower jaw. "'You-all is goin' to be a heap sight more of a audience than a orator yereafter, Collins, says Doc Peets, as he ties up the villain's visage that a-way.
I ain't afraid of Jennie; she's a kind, troo he'pmeet; but ever since that onfortunate entanglement with the English towerist lady her suspicions sets up nervous in their blankets at the mere mention of frivolities wherein she hears my name. I asks you, tharfore, not to go sayin' things to feed her doubts. With Tucson Jennie, my first business is to live down my past.
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