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Updated: June 8, 2025
We kept taking medicine every five blocks, and we locked arms and went down a back street and sung 'O it is a glorious thing to be a pirut king, and when we got home my heart felt bigger nor a washtub and I thought p'raps my liver had gone to my head, and Pa came to the door with his face tied up in towels, and some yellow stuff on the towels that smelted like anarchy, and I slapped him on the shoulder and shouted, 'Hello, Gov., how's your liver, and gave him the bottle, and it was empty, and he asked me if we had been drinking that medicine and he said he was ruined, and I told him he could get some more down to the saloon, and he took hold of my collar and I lammed him in the ear, and he bounced me up stairs, and then I turned pale, and had cramps, and I didn't remember any more till I woke up and the doctor was over me, and Pa and Ma looked scared, and the Doc. had a tin thing like you draw water out of a country cistern, only smaller, and Ma said if it hadn't been for the stomach pump she wouldn't have had any little boy, and I looked at the knobs on Pa's face and I laffed and asked Pa if he got into the hornets, too.
Whang him! An' I thought th' old raskil would die av laffin'. "We ware crowdin' around thim to see th' fun, an' th' way that old gal whanged an' lammed, an' lammed an' whanged, wud have brung tears to yer eyes.
The girl could not realize what part she should have with a disgraceful row in the barnyard of her uncle's farm. "Yes, these men they're regular tramps; I told Richards so the first time I set eyes on 'em they made a little free with your name, and Art he overheard them and he went for 'em, and they both come at him, two to one, and he lammed both out in a minute so Richards says.
"I don't wonder," put in Dick. "The way that big McAlpin lammed into you was a crime. He piled on me in one of the scrimmages, and I thought the Flatiron building had fallen." "He's a tough bird, all right," said Drake, "but he ran up against a tougher one when he tried to go through Bert for that last down in the second quarter.
"He wuz scarce four, an’ yet he had never been broke of the habit of sucking his thumb. Ef he’d ben my child, I’d a lammed it out’n him before he’d a seen two, but seem’ he was aged for an infant havin’ such practices, I tried to shame him out’n it. But, Lord a massy, men folks is hard to shame even at four. I hissed at him like a gyander every time I seen him do it.
I hadn't never wanted to go till lately, but he'd of lammed me if I had of wanted to. He always said he would. And now I was too big and knowed it. Well, Hank, he never give me no money, so I watches my chancet that afternoon and slips in under the tent the same as always. And I lays low under them green benches and wiggled through when I seen a good chancet. The first person I seen was Hank.
She told 'im as 'e was a-goin' straight to 'ell, and that 'e oughter give up the bookmakin' and settle down to a respec'ble, God-fearin' business. At fust 'e only laughed, but she lammed in tracts at 'im full of the most awful language; and one day she fetched 'im round to one of them revivalist chaps, as fair settled 'im. "'E ain't never been his old self since then.
And I haven't seen the two cops who brought them in, or the desk sergeant who booked the complaint, or the detective lieutenant who was on duty here. They've all lammed out. Max has a couple of men over in Junktown, trying to find out who called the cops in the first place. We may get something out of that."
Knowin' him, I was scared. I beat him to it an' lammed him one over the head with my gun. My idea was to head him off from drawin' on Mrs. Hull, but I reckon I hit him harder than I'd aimed to. It knocked him senseless." "And then?" Kirby said, when he paused. "I was struck all of a heap, but Mrs. Hull she didn't lose her presence of mind. She went to the window an' pulled down the curtain.
"'Why, sais she, a looking down, 'at sleeping alone tonight, after hearing of these dreadful catastrophes. "'Oh, sais I, 'is that all? "'But how did you lose her? said she. "'Why, she raced off, said I, 'with the Turkish ambassador, and if I had a got hold of him, I'de a lammed him wuss than the devil beatin' tan-bark, I know. I'de a had his melt, if there was a bowie-knife out of Kentucky.
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