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Updated: July 4, 2025
And why did it matter to her anyway? She wanted to break away, and put the whole thing from her mind. But she couldn't. She had to see what he would do. After a time Kataya sensed the man-child's indifference, or at least his unwillingness to yield to her. This did not cool her half-admitted desire for him, but only made it more patient, tactful. She moved to sit in a corner chair, beside him.
'This will not be easy for me, he said. 'But I begin to see that it is important, if only for myself. I feared at first that you would think me a mindless animal. But I see now that isn't true. Kataya told me not to be ashamed of what I am, and inside, in the heart of me, I'm not. I am proud. Because I survived for twenty-two years a world that would kill most of you in a week.
So at last, wearily, he consented. The two went briefly to the botanist's rooms to fetch it, then turned themselves again out of doors. There in the clear space by the tables Kalus saw the two women: Kataya, who looked up from her work and smiled faintly, and Sylviana, who did not smile, though she could not entirely hide her relief at seeing him at all.
'If it helps, I'll tell her what you meant just now. Kataya and I understood. She's just too close, and can't see it. 'Would you really do that? 'Of course. 'Thank you, said Kalus, though his fear was not abated. 'I have to go somewhere and think.
Confused and bitter, Kataya swore she would not let herself want him, and be hurt yet again and again. All three slept alone, finding no shelter from the mocking night. The next day was Sunday, and the one day a week which the hard-working colonists had agreed to set aside as a respite from their labors.
I wanted to explain that it changes nothing between you, and that I feel no hostility But Sylviana broke her off, whirling in a frenzy. 'You sorry Asian WHORE! Sleeping with him behind my back, and humiliating me again and again! 'No, said Kataya calmly, firmly. 'There was only the one time, which never would have happened..... But it did happen, for which I'll always be grateful.
'Why? he asked aloud, his burning eyes turned toward the heavens. 'Why must I always be punished for showing mercy, and trying to do what is right? But it was not mercy he felt when he took Kataya to him, and he knew it. He kicked at a protruding root, but trying to make his anger flare was like trying to make a fire of damp wood. Guilt and remorse quickly smothered it, smothered him.
'I will see, or befriend, whoever I DAMN well please, and you have nothing to say about it. And she returned to her work, as if he wasn't there. Smith released a breath, Welles shook her head, and Kataya said nothing, reproachfully. Kalus lifted the cub, forlornly lowered his forehead against it, then turned and walked away.
What she heard in its near seclusion seemed less real than the nightmare, and yet far more terrible. 'I should go now, said Kataya, rising and slipping the silk dress across her arms and shoulders, then lowering it softly into place. 'Yes. I do not think Sylviana would understand. But we understand, don't we? You know what this night was for us? 'Yes.
But she had forgotten his wilderness senses. He had heard her crying before Kataya was out of sight, and realized with crushing finality and self-reproach how much she loved him, and how deeply he had wounded her. He stood now just a few feet away, and committed his second great mistake of human psychology.
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